Page 77 of Cut Me Down

I'm trying to pay attention to her and help her through today but she’s using a lot of medical terms that I don’t understand. I try to keep up as best as I can, and make sure I listen. Even if I don’t know what she’s talking about, but I can’t help but let my mind wander as she talks, and I can't help but think of Damien. I just can’t get him out of my head. It’s like I can feel him here with me. The warm, soothing presence engulfing me no matter where I go. His smell constantly fills my nose, and I long to snuggle up against him again.

Ser takes a break from talking to order another shot, and I take the opportunity to look around. I scan the room to look at most of the drunken customers talking, slurring, and swaying. As I'm about to turn my attention back to Serena, I find two electric blue eyes staring back at me. Complimented by a grin that could have Satan’s whore on her knees. My eyes playfully roll because, of course, he’s here somehow. I can’t help the smile on my own face that forms as he mouths “hi.” I mouth the same back to him, and he proudly nudges his friend and points in my direction as I can tell he says ‘that’s her’. His friend waves, and I lightly wave back.

“Who are you waving to?” Ser asks curiously and turns to look at them. When she turns back to me, her eyes are wide and her mouth is hanging open. “Oh my God! Is that him?” I nod my head excitedly and bite my lip. She looks back over, practically doing a triple take and gawking at my boyfriend. “Jeez, did you tear him out of a Rolling Stone’s magazine?”

“Nope, but he sure does look like it.” I say proudly, watching him lick his bottom lip as he looks me over from across the room.

“My, my. He’s a big boy.” She says in a funny, stringy tone. Over-pronouncing the ‘b’ in both words. “I want one of those.” She cocks her head sideways as she looks back over to him.

“Well, you can’t have that one.” I giggle as I look down at only my first drink. “That one’s mine.” That one’s mine? Who the hell am I? I meant what I said, but still. Since when do I say things like that?

“Are you sure about that?” Scrunching my eyes at her condescending tone, I look up and over to Damien to see a lighter brown-haired woman talking to him. With how comfortable she clearly feels with him, it makes me feel like someone punched me in the stomach. She is beautiful. There's a lighter caramel color weaved through her hair, and it’s waved to perfection as it stretches down to her shoulder blades. Taller than me, by A LOT. She’s probably about five foot ten inches, even without her heels and perfectly toned, long legs. Glowing tan skin, and a curvy shape, barely covered by a tight blue dress that’s making me rethink my sexuality.

I may not be the most secure person in the world, but I never thought seeing another woman near him would affect me like this. A cold washes over me, causing me to feel light headed, and I can’t help but pick at my fingers. Suddenly feeling anxious. She’s talking to Damien. Very comfortably. She keeps stepping closer to him, and I watch as she takes the pool stick out of his hands and she takes one last step. Right up to him.

“I'm going outside.” I say quickly, and look away before I have to watch anymore. Ser reaches out and grabs my hand.

“Ash, come on I'm playing around, they’re just talking.” She squeezes my hand reassuringly before taking her shot. “Or they fucking better be.” She jerks her gaze back to watch. Turning her whole body and watching the scene unfold knowing that I can’t.

“Yeah, I know. I'm not mad.” I say, the shakiness in my voice giving away my lie. Looking over one last time, I see her put her hands on his chest. She leans in closer to him with a sly smirk on her face and moves to press her body against him. I think I see him gently move her away, but I don’t stay to watch. I get down off the stool and begin to make my way outside. Each step in the floor feeling like another hit to my gut.

That is the type of woman I’d expect to see him with. Someone as beautiful as he is should be with someone as gorgeous as her right? I figured that was more his type. Confident, alluring, legs for days. Probably good in bed. Anyone with half a brain would ask why he’d be with someone like me when he could have someone like her.

Once I get to the outdoor patio and the cool breeze crashes on to my face, I lift myself up and sit on the wooden railing since there’s no seating out here.See, I bet that woman wouldn’t have had to jump as high as I did to sit up here. People normally come out on the patio to smoke and sometimes throw up, but I'm grateful that no one else is out here right now.

This feeling is something I've never really experienced before. I feel sick. The sight of how she smirked at him, the lust that shined in her eyes, made my stomach turn. Who the hell is she? Does he know her? Does he like her touching him like that? I was so focused on her that I didn’t really look at him. Of course he liked it. She looks like someone that walked off of the runway.

I look down at my clothes to look at my hot mess self. Just plain jeans, black Vans, and plain, black, fitted, V-neck shirt. She looks gorgeous in that small blue dress. I don’t think I’ve dressed like that a day in my life. I don’t care about my hair or makeup, and she’s done up looking like a millionaire’s wife just to go a bar.

“What’s a beautiful woman like you doing out here by herself?” I look up to see the striking man I’ve come to like and care for and his piercing eyes staring at me from the doorway.

“I’m just getting some air.” I say as flat-toned as I can. Trying to mask my insecurities. He walks over and stands next to me. Pulling out a cigarette pack and lighter, lighting one of them then putting them back in his pocket. I raise an eyebrow. “You smoke? I figured, I thought I've smelled it on you before, but I just haven’t seen it.”

“Normally only when I drink, after missions, or I'm stressed.” He says as he looks down the alley way that runs beside the patio.

“Well with your life I'm sure you're stressed a lot.” He shrugs his shoulders as I nervously chuckle.

“Not really.”

“So you've been drinking?” I furrow my eyebrows.

“Nope.” He says popping the ‘p’. Though his tone is anything but playful.

“Did you have a mission?” He shakes his head, moving that gorgeous hair.

“I do later.”

“Then why are you smoking?” He looks over to me, leaning towards me until his face is only a couple of inches away from mine.

“Because you're upset and I'm worried about it.” He states.

“I'm not upset.” I say shyly.

“Yeah, you are. You saw Mikaela and now you're upset.” He forces a small grin on his face.

“Who? The tall, tan, model that had her hands on you? Didn’t even notice.” We chuckle as he takes another puff before blowing the smoke away from me. He looks back to me. Right in the eyes so I know he’s serious.

“Mikaela and I hooked up about six months ago and she thought she could touch me. I told her to back off.” He says confidently.

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