Page 169 of Off Season

Ironically, she now seems more determined than ever to get back up to snuff in time for the Olympics in a little over two years. She’s never cared about making that team nearly as much as Ripley, Arizona, and me, but now that she’s being told she can’t, she doesn’t like it.

There’s not a doubt in my mind that she’ll be standing with us on that podium when they put those gold medals around our necks.

As for her personal life, she’s getting the full fairy tale. I have this lightness I’ve never felt before. Like the burdens I’ve carried for so long are finally being lifted.

I look at my computer screen and ask, “Dr. Pearl, do you think that maybe the Disney princesses’ definitions of happily ever after changed?”

She stares back at me. “What do you mean?”

“I mean maybe Belle initially wanted her education but simply fell in love. Why can’t she be educatedandin love? Why are they mutually exclusive? Maybe Cinderella also fell in love. Maybe she wanted to get away from a shitty family situationandbe with the man of her dreams. Aren’t we supposed to be able to have it all?”

Her brow furrows. I feel like I’ve stumped her. She’s rarely left without words. “It’s certainly a thought-provoking question, Kamryn.”

“I feel like that’s a bullshit shrink response for the fact that you don’t have an answer.”

A small smile finds her lips. “Perhaps you’re right.”

“Maybe making the person you love happy can also make you happy. My sister’s fiancé was dead set against marriageand having more children. He’s about to have both, and I’ve never seen him look happier.”

“What is it you’re getting at, Kamryn?”

“I’m trying to decide whether or not to move in with Cruz. He asks every day.”

Once Tanner and Bailey got engaged, Cheetah started talking to me again about moving in with him.

“I thought that he asked you to marry him every day.”

I nod. “He does that too, but that’s kind of become a joke. He’s serious about us moving in.”

“What’s giving you pause?”

“The same thing that’s given me pause since day one. I believe that, to his core, he wants marriage and children. I’ve always assumed I wanted neither.”

“Interesting choice of words. You used to be more steadfast in that.”

“I didn’t do it on purpose.”

“Your subconscious may have.”

“Whatever. I don’t want to waste his time. If I move in, he won’t be searching for Mrs. Right.”

“What if you’re Mrs. Right?”

“What if I’m not?”

She sighs. “I feel like you’re looking for guarantees. No such thing exists. Has he ever said to you that he needs marriage and children to be happy?”

She knows the answer. “He hasn’t.”

“I suppose at some point you’ll have to decide whether or not to take him at his word.”

I blow out a breath as I look at the time. “Fuck. Our session is over. Fastest hour of the week.”

She places her notepad and pen on her desk and looks at me with more compassion than is normal for her. “Are you ready for today?”

I shake my head. “No, but I know this conversation needs to happen.”

“Good luck, Kamryn. They’ll believe you. I promise. For what it’s worth, I’m proud of you.”

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