Page 10 of Courage, Dear Heart

His head bounces up, like a puppy reacting to the word park. Jamie graces me with a rare smile, and my heart melts.

Jesus. My eyes sting and I turn my back to him, then open a drawer so I have an excuse to look away. It’s been two years without CJ. Two years without Jamie’s voice, without the sound of his laugh, and only a flitting smile here and there to keep me going.

The walk to the park is under ten minutes. We meet Sheila at our usual bench in front of the playground. Jamie gives her a quick hug and is off to the slides. I sit next to her in silence as we watch him play for a few minutes.

All around us, there are families with children. Chirping birds and giggling kids mask the low hum of cars. The balmy weather attracts more people than usual. I tug at the hem ofmy T-shirt and pull my legs up, crossing them on the bench. I sigh. “You know that guy I joke about? Mr. Monday?”

“The dude who always sends the Dear John flowers on Mondays? What about him?”

I take my eyes away from Jamie for a second so I can catch her reaction. “He came into the shop Friday, late afternoon.”

Her eyes widen, and she turns her whole body toward me. “Shut up!”

“Yep.”

“Mr. Monday? The guy we’ve been trying to figure out what’s up with all the flowers and what he looks like for like five years?”

“That’s the one.” I track Jamie as he climbs the monkey bars.

“What does he look like? He’s hot, right?” Her voice lowers to a conspiratorial tone. “He has to be hot with all those women he’s sending flowers to.”

I open my mouth to answer, but her hands come up. “No, don’t tell me. If he’s a rich, old, bald guy, I’ll be heartbroken.”

I roll my lips in to hold back a grin. My shoulders tense with the effort.

Sheila looks me up and down. “You making fun of me? Enjoy torturing me?” She follows the accusation with a light smack on my knee.

I give in and smile. “He’s very attractive, a big flirt, and a bit cocky.”

Sheila rolls her eyes. “The hot ones usually are.”

“What? A flirt or cocky?”

“Both. They know they look good, and there are aton of desperate women out there. Present company excluded, of course.”

“Of course.” I wave at Jamie as he runs off to the swings.

“What brought him into the shop?”

“I have no idea. He always orders the flowers online. But he looked like he was jogging, so maybe he was in the neighborhood.”

She rubs her hands together. “So what does he look like?”

“Tall, really tall. Over six feet. Six-two or three, maybe. Brown hair, gray-blue eyes, slim but muscular. A killer smile. A player, for sure.” A player. Not someone I can trust. And yet he made me aware of how much I miss intimacy and being touched, wanted, desired. There was interest in his eyes. Now, looking back, I’m sure of it.

Sheila waggles her eyebrows at me. “Tell me more.”

“Oh, Daisy took a liking to him. She flew off her perch and called him pretty.”

Sheila laughs. “Daisy does have good taste in men. She always likes the pretty ones.”

“Yeah, he’s pretty all right, but then he opened his mouth and ruined everything.”Everything?Wait. What am I even saying? There was nothing to ruin.

Sheila opens a pack of gum and offers it to me. “What do you mean?”

I take one. “First, he thought Jamie was my little brother and not my son.”

“I can see that happening. You look much younger than thirty, especially without makeup and wearing the stuff you wear for work.”

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