Page 116 of Courage, Dear Heart

“I’m starving. Are you ready for some food, Jamie?” Sheila asks.

He shifts from foot to foot. “Yes.” His voice is small and unsure, but he’s speaking. And I don’t know why now. If it’s a natural progression of all the therapy he’s had. If it’s becauseof Elliott entering our lives and me being happier. Or because of the fire. Whatever it is, I’m grateful.

When we exit the building, Jamie stops. Searches right and left, checking people’s faces and the cars driving by. Then he drops his head.

I kneel in front of him. “What is it, Jamie?”

He starts to sign and then stops himself. He attempts to speak. Nothing comes out. He swallows, rubs at his throat. “Why didn’t Elliott come to see us?”

SIXTY-SIX

Jillian

My heart shattersinto a thousand pieces. I should have known better. I should have known that Jamie would be looking for Elliott. Especially at a time like this. He’s been a part of our lives for months. It makes no sense that he would not be present now.

I take both his hands. “He did. At the hospital. You were sleeping. I’m sorry, baby. I forgot to tell you.”

Jamie tries to put on a brave face. “He did?”

“Yes! He was so worried about us. He wanted to stay, but the hospital rules didn’t allow him. So he had to go home.”

Jamie thinks about that. Nods. Then signs.What about now? Can he come now?

This is my fault. I told Sheila to tell Elliott not to come see us. Never once thinking of how it would affect Jamie. I only thought of myself and how I need time to process everything that’s happening.

I smile. “When I get my phone back, I’ll call him, okay?”

Jamie signs again.Use Sheila’s phone.

I press my lips together and nod. Standing up, I ask Sheila for her phone and text Elliott.

Sheila: Hi, it’s Jillian. If you’re not busy, would you like to meet us for breakfast? Jamie wants to see you.

The dots appear immediately.

Elliott: Tell me where.

Sheila: There’s a place near Sheila’s apartment. Called Brunch Time.

Elliott: I know where that is. See you soon.

I return the phone to Sheila and smile at Jamie. “He’ll meet us for breakfast.”

My little boy’s face lights up. And my heart shatters again. He’s so attached to Elliott. Of course he is. I knew this would happen. I have no one to blame but myself.

I take his hand and the three of us walk to the restaurant, located a block away. What will happen if we break up? Our relationship is so fresh and new. We’re still getting to know each other. I should have never allowed Jamie to get so close to him.

Sheila bumps into my shoulder. “Hey, knock that off.” She hisses under her breath.

“Knock what off?”

“Whatever it is going through your head. The stories you’re telling yourself right now.”

“I’m not?—”

She shuts me up with a raised eyebrow.Sheila has that expression down to perfection. How can one little eyebrow say so much? It’s like she’s scolding me, smacking me upside the head and hugging me all at the same time.

“Witch,” I whisper.

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