Page 24 of Courage, Dear Heart

“In my back pocket.” I turn my back to him, my face heating.

He takes the phone, his fingers barely touching me, but a zing of awareness climbs up my spine anyway.

I tell him the lock code and he takes a picture of me. My face flushes again. He caught me by surprise.

I return to mixing the ingredients, focusing on the task at hand, even though I can feel Elliott’s eyes on me. Jamie stands on a low chair beside Sabrina, his face glowing with pure joy. He hasn’t stopped smiling since we started. I can’t remember the last time I saw him this happy.

A tightness stirs in my chest, but I push past it. I can’t change the past, can’t undo the times I was too buried in my own sorrow to see his. But that’s behind us now. I’m here, right now, and I’m going to do better—for him, for us. Jamie deserves to know there’s a big, beautiful life waiting for him, one he can run toward with an open heart.

I press a hand over my breastbone, a reminder to keep breathing, to stay present. This isn’t about forgetting CJ; it’s about moving forward, finding joy in the moments we have, and showing Jamie there’s more to life than loss. I lift the spoon, offering Jamie a taste of the batter, and his grin fills the kitchen like sunlight breaking through clouds. My heart lifts with it.

Fake it till you make it? Maybe. But I’m starting to believe there’s something real here, a way forward that’s lighter, freer. I’ve spent too long closed off, wrapped in the safety of my grief. Now it’s time to open up, to let go—not of love, but of the need to keep everything frozen in place.

I glance at Jamie, his face scrunched in concentration, drinking in every word Sabrina says, and a flicker of hope rises in me. We’re moving forward, step by step, and I’ll lead the way, not with words but with actions. This life is ours to rebuild, and I’m ready to help him find the joy in it again. For Jamie, yes. And maybe, just maybe, for myself too.

I glance at Elliott, catching his eye as he watches us with a soft smile. It’s a look that makes something flutter low in my stomach, a feeling I’ve nearly forgotten, one I hadn’t expected to feel today—or any day, really.

Elliott steps toward me, his face close enough that I can see the different shades of blue and gray in his eyes. I freeze as he lifts a hand, his fingers brushing feather-light against my cheek. His thumb trails down, slow and soft, leaving a spark of warmth where his skin meets mine. I’m startled, barely daring to breathe as his touch lingers, his nearness stirring something I long ago locked away.

He pulls back slightly, his gaze holding mine with an intensity that makes my pulse quicken. “Sorry.” His voice is low, almost a whisper. A slight smile tugs at his mouth as he holds up his thumb, showing me the dusting of flour he’s wiped from my cheek.

“Oh,” I manage, heat rushing to my face, and I reach up instinctively, touching the spot where his thumb had been. His hand drops slowly, and he takes a half-step back, though not nearly far enough to break the closeness of his presence.

His scent—clean, warm, with a hint of spice—surrounds me, even through the lingering sweetness of freshly baked cupcakes. I’m all too aware of his closeness, the gentle weight of his gaze, and the way my skin tingles where his touch had been. I haven’t felt this way in years, and the sudden rush of it takes me by surprise.

“Didn’t mean to startle you.” His eyes crinkle at the corners in that easy, unassuming way of his.

I swallow, my heart thudding in my chest. “You didn’t.” The denial is automatic, even though I’m still catching mybreath. What exactly is this foreign and yet familiar awakening in me? And am I ready to find out?

Our eyes linger on each other, the air between us charged and somehow fragile, like the slightest movement might break whatever spell has settled over us. A smile pulls at my lips, small but real, as I look up at him. And for the first time in so long, I feel...open. Open to something new, something I thought I’d closed myself off to forever.

And as quickly as it started, he pulls away with an easy grin, returning to his spot at the end of the counter. But the ghost of his touch, the tenderness of that simple gesture, remains, lingering in the air like the sweetness of cupcakes fresh from the oven. And for a moment, I let myself savor it.

Sabrina’s voice reaches me as if coming from a long distance and not a few feet away. “That’s pretty smart, Jamie.”

She’s grinning at Jamie as he prepares a cupcake pan with colorful paper liners, arranging the colors in rainbow order.

She puts a hand on his shoulder. “I think we should make the icing in rainbow colors too. What do you think?”

Jamie’s smile grows impossibly bigger. He leans toward Sabrina and gives her a hug.

She coos. “Aww, thank you. I love hugs.” She looks at me over his head and smiles, and I could swear she gets misty-eyed. Sabrina gives Jamie a scoop and shows him how to add batter to each cupcake liner evenly.

He’s so proud of himself. My heart balloons, filled with love for my child.

Sabrina points at her brother. “And your job is to wash all the bowls and utensils.”

“Me?”

“Yes, you. I didn’t see you doing anything else to help. These dirty dishes are yours.”

Jamie hops off the chair and runs to me. I pick him up and kiss his beautiful face. Whisper in his ear, “I love you.” He squeezes his skinny arms around my neck. I rub his back and when I glance around, I catch Elliott looking at us, a smile on his face.

Not even the sugar high of eating two cupcakes can keep Jamie awake. He rubs his eyes and tries to hide his fourth yawn. I pick him up and his small body folds and relaxes in my arms. His head is on my shoulder. “I guess I’ll be carrying Jamie all the way home. He had too much fun. Thank you, Sabrina. I really appreciate you taking the time to bake with us.” There’s a lightness inside me that wasn’t there before.

Elliott tugs at the collar of his T-shirt. “I can give you a ride.”

“A ride?” My voice is like the squeak of a mouse.

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