Page 39 of Courage, Dear Heart

Jillian shakes her head. “No, not really.”

I tap my fingers against the table. “I’m a transactional attorney.”

She frowns. “What does that mean?”

“I mainly work with drafting, reviewing, and negotiating contracts for real estate sales and acquisition. Really boring stuff.”

She tilts her head. “You don’t like your job?”

I prop an elbow on the table and rub my chin. Try to find a way to answer her question that doesn’t make me look like a spoiled brat complaining about all the advantages I had in life. But when I meet her eyes, expectant and without judgment, I decide to speak freely. Perhaps for the first time ever where my job is concerned. “I hate it. The majority of our clients are very rich people who like to push their weight around and corporate snobs whose only priority isgetting richer.”

Her eyes widen. “Why do it then?”

I laugh. The sound holds no joy. “I was never given a choice. My father and his two brothers, my uncles, own the firm. They’re . . . old-fashioned. As the only male child born in my family, I’m my father’s default heir. There was never another option. From the day I was born, my future as a lawyer in the firm had been decided for me.” That and the trust holding me in place, but I keep that for myself.

She sits back, her hands drop to her lap, and she stares at me. Heat builds up around my neck. I want to tug at the collar but wring the napkin instead. I’m not a boy anymore. Why do I still behave as if I don’t have a choice?

She takes a sip of water, then sets the glass down. “You don’t strike me as the kind of man who goes along with whatever someone tells him to do.”

My gaze drops down and I drag in a breath before facing her again. “Normally, I’m not. Not with anything else. My entire life, I’ve been groomed for this job. Even as a child, my father and uncles talked law with me. Every aspect of my education, the schools I attended, tutors, college, it was all toward this goal. All the kids were, but my sisters ventured out into different paths, so the weight to one day take over the firm falls on me. Along with my three cousins, the girls, Nikki and Mandy, and Josh, who’s my direct competition in my father’s eyes.”

Jillian shifts in her chair. “That couldn’t have been easy. It’s a lot of pressure to put on a child.”

“At first, I didn’t know. I was a kid, and it was kind of fun to go into my father’s office and hang out.”

“But as you grew up . . .”

I sigh. “Even as a teen. It was a normal part of my life. Itwas done in such a subtle way, and I enjoyed the attention they gave me. They’d throw past cases at me and ask how I’d handle them. Made me feel important, like an adult. But it changed eventually.”

She leans into the table. “What did you want to do?”

“I wasn’t sure. Most attorneys get an undergrad degree in political science, history, criminal justice, or economics before they go for their Juris Doctor.”

Jillian narrows her eyes at me. “That’s not an answer. What would you have done if the choice hadn’t been taken from you?”

I drag in a breath, allowing my mind to drift back to seventeen-year-old me. “Being part of the firm made me fall in love with architecture instead of law, but I was not sure if being an architect was what I really wanted to do for the rest of my life.”

“What did you do for your undergrad?”

“Somehow, I convinced my father that architecture would be a great complement since the firm deals with real estate. Still not sure how I pulled it off, but I think my grandparents may have had something to do with it.” I make a mental note to ask Grandma the next time I see her.

“Did you like going to architecture school?”

“I did. I love old buildings and the artistry that went into them. And I also love the clean lines of modern architecture. But when the time came to go to law school, I didn’t put up a fight.”

Jillian tucks a lock of hair behind her ear. “It’s kind of crazy really if you think about it. How many people truly know what they want to do for the rest of their lives at seventeen or eighteen? Not many.”

“That’s true.” I’m still trying to figure it out. What would I have done with my life if all the choices hadn’t already been made for me? Who would I be?

She smiles. “It’s never too late, you know. If you hate your job so much, you can still figure out what you want. Do something else.”

And never be made partner by thirty-five as my father wishes? His head would explode. “Not sure that’s in the cards for me. It’s a family-run business. My cousins are all attorneys in the firm. And the girls will never be made partners because they’re female and expected to retire someday and have babies.”

She narrows her eyes. “That’s a load of bull.”

“I agree. I didn’t know they had this”—I make air quotes—“ruleabout the girls until a couple of days ago when I asked my father about one of my cousins being due to make partner. She’s an excellent lawyer and deserves it. I was told flat out that it would never happen.”

“Why don’t they leave and go work somewhere else?”

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