Page 49 of Courage, Dear Heart

Jamie rolls his eyes at me, but it’s followed by a smile.

“Where do you guys normally sit?”

He signs Mom and points to the chair at the end of the small table and takes the chair to the right.

“Okay then. I guess I’ll sit here.” I set a placemat opposite Jamie and next to Jillian. Then go back into the kitchen and get the glasses.

Jillian stretches upward, her fingertips barely grazing the edge of the cabinet’s shelf. I’m drawn closer, pulled by the way her body tenses, the way her muscles strain as she tries to reach inside the cabinet. I step up behind her, towering over her slender frame. “I can get it. What do you need?”

She startles and jumps back with a gasp, her body colliding with mine. Instinctively, my hands fly to her hips, steadying her as she stumbles. But instead of merely holding her in place, they pull her closer, drawing us together like two magnets.

Our bodies mold to each other, fitting like two lost puzzle pieces despite our differences in size. For a moment, time seems to stand still, and we’re frozen in place, neither of us daring to breathe. Then, slowly, Jillian relaxes into me, her body settling against mine as though we were made for each other.

The floral scent of her perfume fills my head, clouding my senses with a heady rush of desire. I want to bury my face in the curve of her neck, to inhale deeply and taste that spot on her skin where her pulse beats. But I know I can’t act on those impulses, not with Jamie just around the corner. And not without her permission.

Another alarm goes off on the oven, jolting us both back to reality. We separate, our bodies reluctantly pulling away from each other. Jillian’s gaze darts everywhere except my face.

I wait a second and then take a step back, leaning against the kitchen island.Give her space.“What did you need to get from the cabinet?” My voice is husky, barely above a whisper.

She clears her throat. “The breadbasket. Please.”

I easily reach up and retrieve a small wicker basket, then hand it to her with a gentle smile. “Here you go.”

Jillian takes the basket from me, her fingers brushing against mine in an unintended caress. “Thank you.” She holds the basket to her chest like a shield, her cheeks tinged with pink.

I grab the glasses and turn to leave the room. My mind races with possibilities. What if the oven alarm hadn’t interrupted us? What if we were alone? I can’t help but glance back over my shoulder, my gaze lingering on Jillian’s back for a few seconds longer. Is she thinking about that too?

TWENTY-FOUR

Jillian

I spyon them sitting at the table, toy horses between them. They’ve only met a handful of times. It’s crazy how at ease Jamie is with Elliott. He’s wary of most people. My heart was about to explode after watching Elliott and Jamie playing together and communicating in sign language. Not even my parents cared enough to attempt learning a few basic words that would help make video calls easier for Jamie. To see him opening up to Elliott both scares and comforts me. I fear Jamie will get attached and when Elliott decides he’s had enough of me and everything that I come with and leaves, it will break Jamie’s heart all over again.

What about your heart?That annoying voice in my head that sounds a lot like Sheila’s pops up. Don’t worry about me, I’d tell her if she were standing here. My heart was pulverized the day I lost CJ.

“Enough of this,” I whisper to myself. Then gather the salad bowl and breadbasket and bring them over to the table. “What are you guys up to?”

Elliott taps on the table with one of the toy horses. “We’re having a race. Do you want a horse?”

Jamie’s eyes widen and he shakes his head, indicating this was not his idea.

“A race, huh? Okay. I’ll play. But the loser has to do all the dishes after.”

Elliott rubs his stomach. “The food was amazing. Thank you for preparing this meal.”

Jamie nods in agreement and rubs his belly, imitating Elliott. A yawn follows. How much is Jamie missing having a man, a father figure in his life? He’s clearly taken with Elliott. God, what do I do? Is it even right to allow Jamie to get attached? What will it do to him if a few months from now, Elliott is gone? I push the thoughts aside. This is not the right time for me to go down this dark rabbit hole. I ruffle Jamie’s hair. “It’s bedtime for you. Clean up your toys, please, then go brush your teeth. I’ll be there in a minute, okay?”

Jamie looks up at me with a smile and nods. Then he turns toward Elliott, his expression serious now.Can we keep the cupcakes?he signs.

Elliott looks up at me for a translation.

“He wants to know if he can keep the leftover cupcakes.”

Elliott smiles. “Of course. They’re yours.”

Jamie collects his horses and walks down the hall. I start to clean up the table, but Elliott stops me.

“I got this. You go to him.”

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