Page 50 of Courage, Dear Heart

I hesitate, then set the dishes back on the table. Smile. “Thank you.” His offer to clean up is unexpected. It’s nice to have someone else take charge of menial chores for a change.CJ absolutely hated doing the dishes. That was one of the things he was forced to do as a child, so I never asked him to. It feels nice to have someone to help, even if it’s something so mundane and small.

When I return, Elliott is already washing dishes in the kitchen. “Hey, I’m almost done here. How is he?”

My heart squeezes and I have to clear my throat before speaking. “Jamie wants you to say good night.” And there it is. My fear of Jamie getting attached already making itself present. No one but me has tucked Jamie in since we lost CJ. He never wanted anyone else to. I do my best to hide my concerns and grin.

A huge smile breaks on Elliott’s face. “He does? I can do that.” He turns off the water and reaches for a dish towel and dries his hands. I wait a few seconds before following him down the hall.

“Hey, buddy. Thanks for having me over for dinner. I had fun playing with you.” Elliott’s voice reaches me outside Jamie’s room.

I can’t hold back and take a peek. Jamie is making the sign for book, his hands palm-to-palm, and then he opens his hands as if opening a book.

“You want me to read a book for you?”

Jamie nods and settles himself into the bed, pulling the covers up to his chest.

“Of course I can read for you. Let’s see what I can find here.” Elliott picks through a pile of books sitting on the night table and grabsOh, The Places You’ll Goby Dr. Seuss. “How about this one? My mom read it to me when I was your age.”

Jamie gives him a thumbs-up.

Then Elliott sits on the floor next to Jamie’s bed, his back against the nightstand and his elbows propped on his knees so Jamie can see the pages.

I step back into the hall and press my back against the wall, fighting the emotions that threaten to overtake me as Elliott’s soothing voice reaches me. This was CJ’s favorite book to read to Jamie.

Of all the books he could have chosen, it had to be that one. A flood of memories fills me with conflicting feelings. How many times had I watched CJ read that book for Jamie? So much laughter and giggles as CJ acted up on different pages and made different voices. I press my hand to my mouth to stop myself from making a sound and squeeze my eyes shut to keep the tears from coming. I can’t even remember the last time I saw that book, much less read it for Jamie. I’ve never been one to believe in signs, but it feels as if something bigger is at play. But what?

I stay in the hall until Elliott finishes reading the book, then peek around the doorjamb again. Elliott tucks the blankets around Jamie and then brushes his hair off his eyes, leans in, and kisses the top of his head, then turns off the lamp on the nightstand. “Good night, buddy.”

I retreat and make my way to the kitchen on silent steps, rubbing at my eyes as another wall around my heart crumbles to dust.

TWENTY-FIVE

Elliott

When I walkinto the kitchen, Jillian’s back is to me as she sets a kettle on the stove.

“Would you like some tea?” There’s a slight crack in her voice.

“That would be great, thanks.”

She turns but doesn’t meet my eyes. “I’ll be right back, just a quick check on Jamie.”

I go back to the sink and finish washing the two glasses I had left. Then dry my hands, looking around for something to do, but there’s nothing else to clean. Jillian must have cleaned as she prepared dinner.

She comes back as the kettle starts to whistle. “Thank you for cleaning up. You didn’t have to do it.”

I shrug. “You cooked, I cleaned. It’s fair. How’s Jamie?”

“He’s fast asleep now.”

I lean against the sink and cross my arms. “Is he a goodsleeper?”

“For the most part, yes. Every so often, he wakes up in the middle of the night and comes to my bed.”

I don’t blame him. Who wouldn’t want to find comfort in the arms of someone they love?

She turns off the flames and grabs two mugs. “How do you like your tea?”

“As is. No sugar or milk, thanks.”

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