Page 55 of Courage, Dear Heart

My father is fuming and pacing back and forth in front of my desk. I carry on my phone conversation, ignoring him and trying my best not to laugh. I don’t rush the call, which infuriates my father even more. After a minute or two, I end the phone call and pay attention to my father.

“What’s happening?”

“What’s happening? What’s happening? Don’t you know?”

I look at him, making my best impression of a deer in the headlights. “No, I got here half an hour ago and have been on the phone since. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

My father points a finger at Nikki’s now closed office door. “So you’re telling me you have nothing to do with that?”

“I don’t even know what that is.”

“Your cousin is threatening to sue us.”

“Joshua? Why? What happened?”

He growls. He actually growls. “Not that idiot. Nikki and Mandy.”

I frown. “What about them?”

“They threatened to sue the firm for sexual discrimination because they think they’re being passed over for partnership.”

I widen my eyes. “They said that?”

My father gets closer and hisses. “Yes.”

I lower my voice to match his tone. “They’re not wrong.”

He scowls. “They’re not supposed to know this. How the fuck did they find out?”

“I have no idea, Dad. But they’re not dumb. It doesn’t take much to look around and see there are no women in any of the higher positions.”

“There have never been women in a higher position or a female partner. Why would it be different now?”

“You forget Grandma, the founder of this company.”

He scoffs. “It was my father, not my mother, who founded the firm.”

As smart as he is, he’s being pretty dense now. “Dad, how can you seriously say that? It was Grandma’s money, not Grandpa’s. And we’re not in the fifties. It’s the twenty-first century. Women are in positions of power everywhere. Leading companies and countries.”

He fixes his gaze on me, still trying to decide if I had anything to do with it. I lower my voice still, forcing him to get closer. “What are you going to do?”

His mouth turns down. “Nothing. We’ll wait it out. They’ll forget about it, eventually.”

“You really think so?”

My father puffs out his chest. “Yes. They’re both in serious relationships. As soon as one of them gets engaged, all they’ll think about is wedding shit and forget all about this stupid idea.”

My father takes the chair in front of my desk and I try my best not to sit stiffly. My leather chair squeaks as I adjust my posture. The sharp scent of his aftershave mingles with the faint aroma of the coffee cooling on my desk.

His voice, clipped and sharp, cuts through the air. “I don’t understand why they even want to make partner.”

I clench my jaw, willing myself to stay composed. It’s like he’s daring me to agree, daring me to share in his outdated,narrow-minded view of the world. I force a nod, swallowing the bitter taste rising in my throat, and send a silent apology to Nikki and Mandy. Two more years, I remind myself. I can endure two more years. My father’s gaze sharpens, waiting for a response, but I keep my expression neutral. God forbid I challenge him outright. That’s not how things work in this family. He doesn’t tolerate dissent, and I’ve learned that playing the long game is the only way to get anything done. Still, it burns, this complicit silence. I feel like I’m betraying my cousins, my sisters, every woman I’ve ever met. Jillian.

I wonder, not for the first time, if my mother had a secret lover. Surely there’s no way I’m related to this man. We couldn’t be more different. Where his world revolves around control and power, mine is about connection and empathy—things he sees as weaknesses. Things he’s tried to beat out of me, figuratively, and a few times, not, for as long as I can remember.

Growing up under his roof was like walking on eggshells, always striving for his approval, knowing it would never come. My grades were never good enough. My accomplishments never impressive enough. Even as a child, I could sense his disappointment, his barely veiled irritation at having a son who wasn’t cut from his mold. I worked harder than anyone else in my class, joined every club, and excelled at every sport I tried, all in a futile attempt to hear him say,I’m proud of you.It never happened.

My sisters had it worse. They didn’t even warrant his criticism—just dismissal. To him, they were insignificant, little more than background noise in the grand scheme of his empire. He couldn’t see the brilliance in Sabrina’s sharp mind, the way she could dissect an argument and rebuild itinto something unassailable. He ignored Elsa’s resilience, her uncanny ability to balance her career and her family with grace. He didn’t care. They were girls, and in his world, that made them irrelevant.

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