Page 59 of Courage, Dear Heart

I follow Grace into the house to find an open room concept. The space was designed to take maximum advantage of the views. Huge windows bring the outside in. Natural wood and warm colors contrast with the green and blue outside. A fireplace set into stone takes up most of one wall. Oversized couches are arranged in such a way that anyone sitting on them would have views of both the fireplace and the outside. The greenery continues on the inside, with a variety of ferns and other plants hanging from hooks on the walls and even the high ceilings. A huge Tassel fern calls to me and I walk toward it as Grace sets Daisy’s cage down on a table by one of the windows. The sunset light drenches the room with gold and pink hues. The tall windows frame a view of the rolling hills beyond, but my attention goes back to the fern before me.

Grace comes to my side. “She’s my favorite.”

I stifle the urge to touch the hanging strands. “She’s absolutely beautiful.”

“I’ll propagate some for you, so you can take it back.”

“I couldn’t possibly ask you to do that.”

Grace places her hand on my arm. “You didn’t ask. And it’s very easy.”

I don’t know what to say, so I stick with asimple thank you.

Elliott comes in dragging two suitcases and Daisy’s cage behind him. Jamie at his heels, his little chest puffed and proud like a pigeon. My heart squeezes again. All these small changes since I met Elliott. Jamie’s new confidence in himself. Using sign language to talk to Elliott when before he only used it to talk to me or at school. He’s smiling more and acting more independently. It both fills me with joy and scares me. I want Jamie to do all that and more, but what will happen when Elliott decides he’s had enough? I want to protect my child and myself from the possibility of pain, but at what point does it stop being protection and start being a barrier to living? Opening myself is a risk I have to take. I can’t go back to living the same way as before. And neither can Jamie. I just have to be careful. I’m so tired of the way my brain works, straddling two places at the same time.

“Elliott?” Grace calls. “Bring Daisy’s cage and set it up over here, please. I’m sure Daisy wants to stretch her wings after the long drive.”

I walk toward them to help, but Elliott has already figured out how to set up the cage. He opens the carrier, and Daisy jumps on his wrist and crawls up his arm to nuzzle his neck. I cover my mouth to stifle a laugh, but Grace doesn’t.

She looks at me. “A couple of months ago, I asked Elliott if he was dating anyone new, and he told me there was this girl named Daisy who was madly in love with him. He had me thinking it was a person while I tried to dig for more information. It took him a week to come clean and tell me it was a parrot. I was so annoyed with him. But now I can see he didn’t lie. Daisy loves him.”

At that, Daisy snuggles closer and lets out a contented sigh.

Elliott’s gaze finds me. “It’s déjà vu all over again.”

I smile, not sure how to respond. The memory of the first time Daisy did this is still fresh in my mind. And Grace’s talking about a girl being in love with him stirs something unpleasant inside me.

I clear my throat and look up at Daisy. “Come on, Daisy.” I put my wrist next to Elliott’s shoulder. But Daisy is being Daisy and having none of it.

“Here we go again,” Elliott says as he kneels on the floor like he did that first time at the flower shop.

Grace puts a hand up and stops me from reaching for Daisy. “This I must get a picture of.” Then she takes a phone from her pocket and takes several pictures while Elliott shakes his head, his shoulders dropping in defeat.

“One more second, please.” Grace walks around Elliott in a circle. “Done now. I wanted a video too.”

Now I’m laughing and Jamie is laughing, his hand covering his mouth as his little shoulders shake.

Elliott stands up with Daisy still perched on his shoulder. He turns to me and smiles, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “I think Daisy has chosen her favorite, Jillian.” He nudges her onto his wrist. Peers into her yellow eyes. “You’re my favorite too, Daisy.”

My heart skips a beat at the thought of being Elliott’s favorite. Great. I’m jealous of a parrot. I try to push the feeling away. I should save such a thought for when I’m alone. But the way he’s looking at me, the way his fingers trace the curve of Daisy’s wing, makes it feel like we’re the only ones in the room.

Grace clears her throat, bringing me back to reality. “Elliott, put Daisy in her cage, please, and can you bringtheir luggage up to the green room?” She turns to me and motions us to follow her. “I chose our best guest room for you. We have a beautiful view of the lake from up there. Elliott said you and Jamie would share. Is that correct?”

I take Jamie’s small carry-on. “Yes, that’s correct.”

The wide wooden staircase stretches up to the second floor, the center of the polished wood lined with a plush red carpet that swallows all sounds. Not a creak or groan can be heard. The opposite of the stairs of my own apartment that complain with each step I take. A small table at the landing holds a vase filled with fresh flowers. We follow her down a wide hall, the same plush carpet across the floors. Six doors opposite each other line the walls. There are dozens of frames on the walls. A mismatch of art and family pictures. And somehow, they fit perfectly with the decor.

She opens the last door on the left and steps to the side, allowing me to go in first. “This is your room. I hope you like it.”

I gasp as I enter the room, drawn by the stunning view of the lake, trees, and mountains that extend beyond the balcony through the open glass doors framed by the diaphanous fabric of the curtains fluttering in the breeze. It’s like stepping into the pages of a design magazine. From the sage green walls to the hardwood floors and the four-poster bed that sits atop a deep green rug, its headboard and posts decorated with ornately carved designs, the room is perfect. A built-in dresser with a large mirror takes one corner and a small sitting area takes the other.

I touch one of the bedposts, marveling at the craftsmanship. “Grace, this is the most beautiful bedroom I’ve ever stepped into. Thank you.”

Jamie slides next to me, his eyes wide and full of questions.

“Isn’t this room beautiful, Jamie?”

He nods, still taking in the space, and spies the balcony.

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