Page 66 of Courage, Dear Heart

“No. I think we need something much smaller.”

Nero leans into Jamie’s touch, tail wagging. Sensing theboy’s joy, the dog stretches up, and his tongue swipes across Jamie’s cheek in an enthusiastic kiss.

Jamie scrunches his face, but he’s grinning. He turns away from the dog and runs in my direction at full speed with Nero at his heels. I lean down with open arms and Jamie throws himself at me, giggling when I hug him to my chest and twirl him in a circle. The sound of my son’s laughter is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.

I glance at Elliott and see tears glistening in his eyes, too, before he turns to pet the dog. After a moment, I set Jamie down and Elliott’s hand slips into mine, squeezing gently. In that touch, I feel his understanding. His support.

Jamie glances up, still smiling, and reaches for our hands, taking mine first and then Elliott’s. And we walk down the path with Jamie between us and Nero leading the way as Elliott points at different trees, bushes, and birds and names them for Jamie. Watching the two of them together is bittersweet. I can’t help but think of CJ and the life he was meant to have with us. I push the thought away. I can’t move forward if I keep looking back and wishing for something that can never be.

I’m profoundly grateful for this place, for Elliott and Grace and Nero. The tight knot of anxiety that has sat in my chest for so long finally begins to unfurl.

I breathe in the scent of pine and earth, memorizing this moment. The birdsongs, the breeze, my son’s hand in mine. There will be hard days still ahead, but right now, this sunlit path feels like a promise waiting to unfold.

Once again, Jamie runs ahead, chasing a leaf tumbling in the wind and throwing sticks for Nero to catch.

I meet Elliott’s gaze. He smiles gently, and in his eyes, Isee a hint of longing. This kind and beautiful man sees something in me and my child that I cannot understand. Why me when he could have anyone he wanted? In this moment, I promise myself that I too deserve another chance. And so does Jamie. I won’t question his reason or doubt the possibilities. It’s time to embrace the future and whatever it may bring. And accept the significance of this breakthrough with an open heart.

I take Elliott’s hand. “Thank you for this. For bringing us here.”

Elliott’s eyes are warm. “Thank you for trusting me enough to come. I know it wasn’t an easy decision for you.”

I smile in response.

We walk in comfortable silence for a few moments, the winding path taking us through dappled sunlight and shade. My heart feels lighter than it has in a long time. Witnessing Jamie’s joy today, hearing him laugh again, has sparked a cautious optimism within me.

With Elliott’s solid, reassuring presence at my side, I allow myself to hope that we can heal, grow, and find happiness again.

THIRTY-SIX

Jillian

When we returnto the house, Grace is sitting on a rocking chair on the porch with a book on her lap. Daisy is perched on the railing, watching us and flapping her wings with excitement.

Grace sets her book on the table. “How was your walk?”

I can’t stop grinning. “It was wonderful. Thank you. I’m glad I do so much walking in the city. Or my legs would be like noodles.”

Grace pats the seat next to her and calls to Jamie. “Run inside and wash your hands, then come sit next to me. I have fresh-baked lemon lavender cookies and strawberry lemonade.”

Jamie’s eyes go wide at the mention of cookies, ever the sweets lover, and he runs inside. The three of us laugh.

Elliott nudges me. “You want to tell her?” His voice is low, but Grace hears him anyway.

“Tell me what?”

I put a hand to my chest. My smilegrows bigger. “Jamie made a sound,” I whisper. “Not a word, but he made a sound of delight, a squeal when Nero licked his face.”

Grace’s eyes light up, and for a moment, she looks as though she’s holding her breath. Then her face softens, a radiant smile spreading on her beautiful face. Both of her hands fly to her chest, pressing lightly as if steadying the surge of emotion. “Oh my,” she whispers, her voice trembling slightly. “That’s wonderful. Did he realize he did it?” The joy in her smile touches my heart. Grace cares. It’s clear in her expression that she cares about my son. It makes me miss the grandparents I lost years ago.

“I don’t think so. Or if he did, it wasn’t a big deal for him. But for me? Gosh, this is the first time in two years. It’s huge.”

The sound of steps on hardwood floors precedes Jamie.

“Here he is.” Elliott ruffles Jamie’s hair. “Hands clean?”

Jamie holds his hands up for Elliott’s inspection.

“Looks good to me. Go on, but save some cookies for us, too.”

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