Page 70 of Courage, Dear Heart

Elliott pats Buttercup’s neck. “Did you climb it?”

“You know it. And I got the kite. Tossed it down. It was all good up to that point.”

His eyebrows pop up. “Then what happened?”

Jamie is watching me as eagerly as Elliott.

Heat rises on my cheeks. “Well, I was climbing down and decided to jump the last four or five feet. And the back to my T-shirt got hooked on a branch and ripped right off me.”

He’s laughing now. “Wait, you were shirtless?”

“Yes. I landed fine and was so proud of myself I didn’t even realize I lost my shirt until the kids started pointing and laughing.”

“Oh no.”

Yep, my face is burning now. “That’s when I felt the breeze and looked at myself and then up at the tree. My shirt was hanging from it, ripped nearly in two.”

Elliott doesn’t bother to cover his mouth and laughs freely.

“What did you do?”

“Got the kite and held it in front of me and went back home. Got a good scolding from my mother that day. And my father got yelled at for giving me the kite.” I laugh at the memory, a lot less painful and cringy now than it had been before I told it.

There’s a little bit of magic in sharing embarrassing stories with someone you care for. The thought surprises me. I care for Elliott. More than I expected. Fear tries to poke at me, old habits trying to come into the light, but I shove it down.

Jamie looks at me with wide eyes.

“What about you, Jamie?” Elliott asked. “Any stories to share about you?”

Jamie shook his head in an emphatic no.

We both laugh, and Elliott brings Buttercup to a wooden platform near the fence. That I know is called a mounting block.

“All right. Who’s ready to go horse riding?”

THIRTY-EIGHT

Elliott

“Come on,little buddy. Time to get on the horse.”

Jamie takes a step closer to me, his arms up for me to pick him up. Something cracks inside me when I lift him on Buttercup. He’s so little and yet fearless of the thousand-pound mare. An image flutters in my mind. Of a future with Jillian and Jamie. I can see the three of us together. And many days like this. I glance at her, and her gaze is on me. Can she guess at the thoughts in my head? When did I turn into this sappy guy?

I clear my throat. “Okay, Jamie. Hold on to the pommel. We’re going to do slow circles so you get used to Buttercup.”

I lead the horse out into the open, and Jillian follows us.

Jamie couldn’t smile any bigger. There’s so much joy on his face. It’s the kind of joy one rarely sees in an adult. As if we forget how to be happy and fully in the moment somehow. I’ve spent the majority of my life on autopilot. It’s easy to see if I’m honest with myself. It’s beenyears of work, casual relationships, and not much more than that. It’s high time I figure out what I want to do with my life.

I look at Jillian, her hands clasped under her chin. She watches Jamie with so much love in her eyes. If I could have a little of that adoration, I’d consider myself a lucky man.

I never realized I wanted my own family so much until right now. I hold a hand out for Jillian and bring her closer to Buttercup. “Do you want to take the lead?”

Her eyes widen. “Me?”

“Yes, you.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

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