Page 79 of Courage, Dear Heart

Her hand goes to the back of my head, and she pulls me to kiss her again. She lies back and pulls me down with her. I lie by her side and keep my hand at her waist and hip, moving up and down her side but not straying.

Jillian squeezes her thighs together and moans. I want to be inside her more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. Not yet. It’s too soon for that. When it does happen, I want her to have no doubts, no regrets, and for it to be more than being caught in the moment. I want it to be her decision, her choice.

I break the kiss. Every cell in my body screams in protest. Jillian opens her eyes, blinking at me, her breath, like mine, fast and shallow. Her lips are red and swollen as I imagine mine also are. A slow blush colors her cheeks, and she averts her eyes. She opens her mouth and I know what’s coming.

I interrupt her. “No. Don’t you dare apologize.” My voice is soft. “This is by far one of the best moments of my life. I don’t want to stop. I want to get lost in you and never come back up for air. But what I want to do and what I should do right now are miles apart. As much as I want to peel that swimsuit off you so I can kiss and taste every inch of your skin, I won’t. I don’t think you’re ready yet. But I trust that you’ll let me know when you are.”

Her blush turns into a deep red.

I reach out, brushing a strand of damp hair from her face, my fingers lingering against her cheek. She leans into my touch, her eyes fluttering closed for a moment—the simple gesture sends a rush of longing through me.

I stand up, holding my hands out to her. “Hungry?”

Her stomach grumbles in response, and we laugh, the sexual tension easing.

“Let’s see what Carmen packed for us.”

FORTY-TWO

Jillian

Leavingthe ranch and going back to the city is bittersweet. We had so much fun here. I found a part of myself I thought was lost forever. And Jamie found his voice. Gosh. I can hardly believe Jamie made a sound. I can’t chalk it up to chance and timing. I know it had something to do with Elliott. And this magical place far away from home.

I peek over my shoulder at the back seat. Jamie is already out. His hair falls in white-gold wisps over his forehead. His cheeks are rosy from the fresh air and time outdoors. He’s even got a golden hue to his skin.

My boy needed this as much as I did. More.

Elliott is focused on driving. A Guns N’ Roses song plays softly on the radio. I reach out for him. Touch the bare skin of his forearm. “Thank you.”

His gaze goes to my hand on his arm first, then my eyes. He smiles. I want to kiss those lips. Trace the curve of that smile with my tongue. Taste him once more. No. Not once.Many times over. I can’t believe I feel this way. I never thought I’d be attracted to another man.

I search for that ugly voice in my head, always waiting in the corners of my mind, but it doesn’t come. Guilt over wanting to be with another man is also absent.

It’s simultaneously disconcerting and a relief. I’m sure Sheila would have a lot to say about this. We drive, talking in hushed tones so as not to disturb Jamie. Even Daisy sits quietly in her cage. Her head tilted, eyes watching us as if she can understand what we say.

Elliott reaches across the car console and puts his hand on my knee. The contact is warm and pleasant. “I don’t want this to stop when we get back. I know I said we could be friends and take things slow, but while I was honest with you, I think I was lying to myself.” His gaze leaves the road for a second and meets mine. “I want so much more than friendship with you. And I think you want that as well. We’re good together, don’t you think?”

Wings unfurl and flutter inside my chest. “We are.”

“What do you say about making this thing official?”

I cover his hand with mine. “Official?”

“Yes. Agree we are in an exclusive and committed relationship.”

I smile. All of this is new to me. I’ve never been through the dating thing and declaring to be in a relationship. With CJ, we grew into it. Friends to a couple. It was so easy and natural for us. We evolved into a romantic relationship over years of close friendship. “I agree. The two of us. Together.”

Elliott glances back at Jamie. Smiles. “The three of us.”

I squeeze his hand and he flips it, his palm up. Laces his fingers with mine. My heart speeds up. I want this. I want tobe with him. And I don’t want to take it slow anymore. “The three of us.”

Before I know it, Elliott is parking a few yards away from my building. The hours in the car rushes us faster into the city than I wanted. I had such a magical escape away from my daily routine. I fear that coming back home will be like wearing the persona of the Jillian I left behind. A skin that no longer fits me. On the back seat, Jamie unlocks the seat belt strapping him to the car seat and stretches, leaning forward, his little arms wrapping around the headrest of my seat and my neck.

“We’re home, Jamie. You slept all the way here.”

“Home,”Daisy adds to the conversation.

Elliott opens his door and walks around the back to get our luggage.

---