Page 93 of Courage, Dear Heart

I slide off his lap, and cool air rushes in when we separate. I immediately miss the contact. “Let me find my wallet?—”

He tugs at my hand. “Nope. I got this. It’s already paid for.” And before I can respond, he’s jogging downstairs to getour food. I set the table so one of us is sitting at the end and the other to the side.

Elliott unloads two shopping bags.

“How much stuff did you get?”

“Not much. Our dinner and a couple of appetizers.”

The couple of appetizers are an array of small plates containing miniature Gua Bao, fried wantons, steamed dumplings, and egg rolls.

“It smells delicious.”

“What do you want to drink?” He goes to the fridge and waits for my response. I love the way he casually fits into my space.

“Ice tea, thank you. There’s beer there if you want it.” I’m not much of a beer drinker or any alcohol, really, but I got him beer just in case.

He grabs a beer and a bottle of tea, twists off the caps, then gives me the tea and takes the spot at the side, leaving me to sit at the head of the table.

He lifts the beer bottle for a toast. “To a million more nights like this one.”

I clink my tea bottle to his. Something bright and light flutters inside me—doing a happy dance and tapping its feet into my soul. “A million more nights.”

We eat and talk and laugh. He tells me about his day and I tell him about mine. Like any regular couple catching up after a day of work apart. It’s all so familiar and comfortable, like we’ve done this a thousand times before. I think back to that first day we met when Elliott came into the flower shop and how on guard and annoyed with him I got. I told myself I didn’t like him. That he unsettled me and that he was too cocky, too charming, toosure of himself and too handsome. I tried so hard to believe that. Had I been honest with myself from the beginning, the only truth would have been him being too handsome.

I did like him. More than a casual like, I was attracted to him. And back then, it terrified me. Still does a little. To give someone that much power over you. To open up and be vulnerable was not easy for me then. Still isn’t. But hiding is not the way to live.

Reaching out, I cover his hand with mine. He flips his hand up and laces his fingers with mine. “Thank you for not giving up on me.”

His gaze searches my face. He swallows as if pushing down a knot in his throat. “Never. And thankyoufor letting me in. I know it’s been hard for you. I treasure every moment you’ve given me more than you’ll ever know.”

That bright thing inside me wants to burst out of my chest. “I feel the same way.”

He brings my hand to his lips and kisses the back of it. “Are we official now? Can I call you my girlfriend? Can we tell Jamie?”

I nod. “Yes. I guess you can call me your girlfriend. And I think Jamie already knows that something is happening between us. That kid is too observant. But I’ll talk to him tomorrow. Make sure he understands and he’s okay with us being together.”

He sobers. “And if he’s not okay?”

I smile. “He will be. I’m sure of it. He’s happier when you’re around. You’ve made us both happier.”

He releases a long breath. “That’s all I want for both of you. To be happy. And to be a part of it. For you and Jamieand me to be an us. I’ll do anything in my power to make you both happy. To keep you both safe.”

Something shifts inside me, like a key finally turning in a long-rusted lock. “I believe you.”

Is it crazy to feel this way? It’s been only four months since we met. He’s changed my life and Jamie’s life for the better in such a short time. I’m both hopeful and fearful of the future. But I clamp down the fear and hold onto hope with everything I have. I need to. Hope is my life vest. The thing that keeps me from drowning.

FIFTY-ONE

Elliott

I’m still flyinghigh from last night. I don’t think my feet have touched the ground since I left her place this morning and went home for a quick change before heading to work. That was one hell of a surprise. I didn’t see it coming at all. I hoped for it, but I figured it would happen at my place and not anytime soon. That was by far the best sex of my life. I feel so much closer to Jillian now, like there’s a real chance of a relationship. Jillian giving herself to me is the ultimate gesture of trust. I know it was not an impulse decision. She put the thought behind it. Planned it. Arranged for us to be alone so we could be together this way. Step into the next level of being a couple. I loved spending the night with her, sleeping in her bed, waking up and finding her next to me, making love again in the morning, sharing a shower and making breakfast together. These are things I’ve never wanted before. Never even imagined I’d want.

But here I am. Going to work happy fora change, instead of dreading every minute I spend in that office. Nothing can spoil my day today.

I push open the door to my office and stop in my tracks. I spoke too soon. The one thing that can spoil my day is sitting on my chair, rocking back and forth and holding a tumbler half filled with whiskey. At ten in the morning.

I hold in the litany of curses I want to scream at him, putting a smile on my face instead. Close the door behind me. Whatever he has to say to me, I want to keep it in my office. “Good morning, Dad. Surprised to see you in my office. What can I do for you?”

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