Page 36 of Bloody Kingdom

The thought of another man touching her—touching something that is mine—causes an unexplainable anger to build in me. The logical part of me knows Quincey won’t always be mine, her debt will be paid in full when Ira dies. After that, she’ll be free to kiss whomever she desires, and that knowledge fills me with rage.

The kiss turns to a desperate frenzy, as if both of us know that we must get our fill now as this will never happen again. Only when she winces and the most delectable taste rushes into my mouth do I realize my mistake. My fangs are out, and they’ve cut her lip.

It takes every ounce of power I have to pull myself from her. Needing to put space between us, I all but throw myself across the room, quickly putting multiple feet between our bodies. I keep my back to her, as I try to regain my control and force my fangs back, but the residual blood on my tongue and the aroma of blood in the air is making it difficult.

Behind me, she’s panting hard as she attempts to catch her breath. “I don’t think I’ve ever been kissed so hard that I bled,” Quincey chuckles. If only she knew how much danger she was in, she wouldn’t be laughing right now. She’d be running.

The sound of her shifting off the counter has me raising a hand and ordering harshly, “Stop. Stay where you are.”

“Silas?” she says my name, sounding so confused. “What’s wrong? I—”

I don’t let her finish. “This was a mistake and never should have happened. It was a lapse in judgment.” The stern tone returns to my voice, not allowing room for her to question what I’m saying. I cut her the briefest look over my shoulder to ensure she hasn’t moved closer. “I apologize for creating any confusion, I don’t know what I was thinking, but this—”was the first thing that made me feel alive in a long time?“— meant nothing to me. Please do not start getting any ideas.”

“Silas…” she tries again, the hurt she feels evident in her voice.

“Enough,” I snap, louder than necessary, but I need this to be over. I need her to leave before I make an irreversible mistake. “This was a misstep on my part and nothing more. It would be wise for you to return to your quarters now, Miss Page.”

Miss Page.It no longer feels like her name when I say it.

There’s a pause before, with a shuttering breath, she whispers, “Yes, sir.” I can’t help the wince that comes from hearing the formal title. “I have a lot of regrets myself, I’ll be sure to file this—moment—with the rest.”

I don’t watch as she hurries from the kitchen because I fear I won’t be able to stop myself from following after her.

It didn’t matter how dark my life got or how bleak things started to look for me, I never lost my hopefulness that things would get better. In my mind, things could only be so bad before they took a turn for the better, all I had to do was keep my head up and ride out the storm. Sooner or later the sunshine was going to return, but the longer I’m here, the more of my sun he steals from me. The storm is slowly consuming me, and I fear if I’m here too long, I’ll be overtaken by the darkness that has infected Silas.

The only thing keeping me going is that this isn’t for forever. I’m clinging to that knowledge like it’s a life raft keeping me from drifting into the bleakness.

Being here is different from the chaos I thrive in, this isn’t chaos. It’s emotional warfare and I’m losing the battle. The constant hot and cold with him is hard to keep up with. With each interaction I have with Silas, he chips away another piece of my optimism. Two weeks ago, when he told me our kiss meant nothing to him and subsequently,Imeant nothing to him, he chipped away an even bigger piece of it. No, chipped isn’t the right word—hesmashedit and smiled while it shattered into a thousand pieces at his feet.

Okay, I know he didn’t actually smile, but part of me almost wished he would have. It would have been easier to see that than the fleeting pained look on his face. A pained look that is the creation of his own doing. He was the one who declared it was a bad idea—a mistake—and despite knowing deep down he was right, it didn’t feel that way in the moment. It felt perfect, like it was something I was always meant to do.

Feeling this way is what makes it hurt so much.

When he called me Miss Page instead of Quincey again, it felt like a bullet to the chest. A bullet may have hurt less.

The hurt is fueling the anger that had just started to subside that night. Now it’s raging inside of me, and over the past two weeks it’s grown into an uncontrollable wildfire. I’ve snapped not only at Duke, but also Della because of it. I apologized immediately after since they don’t deserve my wrath. The only person I’ve been able to keep my calm with is Ira, and that is mainly due to the fact he’s one of the sweetest souls I’ve ever met. His tender heart doesn’t fit in Silas’s world.

“Quincey, where’d that pretty mind of yours wander off to now?” He wheezes from his bed. Ira’s having a good day, even sitting up in bed with his eyes more alert. Good. Today something special is happening.

From my spot next to the window, I pull my attention away from the commotion down below to smile softly at Ira. “Nowhere Ira, I’m here.”

Ira places the crossword puzzle he’s been working on for hours onto his lap and squints his eyes at me. “Whatever happened to that bright smile of yours, dear? It lit up rooms and lifted spirits.”

Sighing heavily, I shove my hands through my hair, pushing it from my face. “Sadly Ira, I think it may have been stolen by a dark, brooding man. I don’t think he plans on giving it back either, he enjoys toying with it too much, I fear.”

“What has that man done to you now?” The remorse in Ira’s voice is clear.

Dropping into my chair next to his bed, I cross my arms tight against my chest and focus on the ripped knees of my jeans. “He found a way under my skin and no matter how much I scrub myself clean, I can’t rid myself of him.”

“You’re a strong girl. You can doanythingyou put your mind to. Why do you think you can’t find a way to free yourself of Silas?”

Snapping my head up, I meet his insightful eyes. So much knowledge sits in them, the stories he could tell are endless. If only he had the energy and time to tell them. I wish there was a way I could buy him more time.

I shake my head in frustration. “I don’t know,” I croak. “I have so much anger and hurt toward him right now.Itshould be easy. I have every reason in the world to hate him. But…”

“But?” Ira presses.

“Despite the anger, I don’t hate him and that only makes me angrier.” It’s a vicious circle I can’t escape.

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