“I was in the military. I know lot of ways to kill a man. The chances of getting a stake in the exact right position to slip through the ribs and hit the heart? Very low.”
“But not impossible, right?” I countered, sending her a sunny smile that seemed to make her even crankier. “And then… poof!”
“There’s no poof,” she said stubbornly.
“You’d still be dead though right? Just like any living being, if you get stabbed in the heart you’re done for, but you’d be a corpse instead of a pile of dust is what you’re telling me, right?”
Teresa gave me a stern stare that made me get the tiniest bit turned on.
“Yeah.”
“So Buffy is right,” I said. “A stake to the heart is a great way to kill a vampire.”
“There are better ways,” she argued. “The heart is one of the hardest ways to do it.”
“Well, wait until you see all the other things she tries. Buffy is a very creative vampire slayer.”
I’d started the program at season one so Teresa could watch it from the beginning. Maybe I was mistaken, but it seemed like as we progressed through the first few episodes, she started to getinto the show. Not that she would admit it. Whenever she sensed me looking at her, her face would get hard and she’d start to glare at the screen like it had personally offended her.
“Okay, that’s my limit for this week,” I announced after we finished the fourth episode. If I didn’t pace myself, I’d sit here all night watching episode after episode.
“Oh. What are you doing next?” Teresa asked.
“Every week after Buffy I give myself a facial and take a long bubble bath.”
“Really?” she asked, that look of distaste back.
“Yes, a good skincare regime is the secret to a youthful appearance. And a bubble bath is a great way to take care of all my skin at once.”
Teresa just stared at me like I wasn’t speaking English.
“After that, I usually read in bed for a while and go to sleep early, so I’ll say goodnight to you now. Do you need anything before I go?” I asked.
“We’re leaving at oh eight hundred hours tomorrow, right?”
“Yes, I’m using a car service right now because of the accident. They’ll be here around eight and we’ll head to the office.”
“Okay,” she said. “I’ll be ready.”
I got up, gathering my empty containers, and Teresa grabbed the rest of them, following me upstairs. Tossing everything in the trash, I paused awkwardly.
“Feel free to let me know if you need anything. Just make yourself at home and help yourself to anything in the kitchen.”
“I’m going to check all the doors and windows and do some work before I turn in for the night,” she said. “I’m sure I’ll be fine. Thank you though.”
I spent the next thirty minutes going through my skincare routine. Exfoliating. Putting on a face mask. Soaking my hands in paraffin. Then I filled by giant tub with warm bubbles and water, sliding down to enjoy the sensation of the warm water relaxing my muscles.
I did it all on autopilot, my thoughts focused on Teresa. It was ridiculous. I should have been thinking about my multi-billion dollar company. I should have been thinking about why someone was trying to kill me, the same way they’d killed my parents. But instead, I was thinking about how blue Teresa’s eyes were and how soft her skin looked, despite her obvious distaste for the idea of a skin care regimen.
I’d known the woman less than a day, and I already knew instinctively that my life would never be the same after meeting her. I just didn’t know what that meant.
By the time I got into bed, my body was too amped up to relax enough to read my book. I walked over to the bedroom door, straining my ears to hear any noises. Had Teresa come upstairs? Or was she still working downstairs?
Moving carefully, I slowly opened the drawer to my nightstand, retrieving my vibrator. I plugged it into the power strip next to my bed, then slid my nightgown up to my waist. At the last second I remembered how damned loud this vibrator could be. It was one of those giant wand vibrators that masqueraded as a back massager. Effective but noisy. I looked around frantically, trying to figure out how to hide the noise.
I clicked on some music on my phone, turning it up a little louder than I normally would at night, then slid underneath the blanket and pulled the comforter on top of that. I scooted down until only my head was visible, then widened my legs.
Moving a hand down my body, I slid my fingers between my lower lips, unsurprised to find that I was already wet just thinking about masturbating. Well, masturbating to the thoughts of my new bodyguard. I clicked the vibe on, relieved to find that between the music and the blankets on top of me, the sound was substantially muffled.