Page 86 of Wretched Choices

Silence fills the room. Only his ragged breath and the thump of my heart can be heard. I turn to face him. His face is blank. He is detaching himself already. Every step forward we made was erased in a second with just one word.

When he finally looks at me, his face is filled with rage. “Is this a joke? How did that happen? You told me you were on the pill. I made sure you were on the pill, and I made sure to always use a condom.”

“No, you didn’t. And no contraceptive is one hundred percent safe.”

“How sure you are?” he asks.

“Very sure. I was at the doctor’s today and she confirmed it.” I straighten my shoulders. “I’m thirteen weeks along.”

Shock and accusation fill his eyes. “How could you not know that you are pregnant for that long? Did you do it on purpose?” He stands, and in two strides, he walks toward his liquor table, pouring himself a drink.

“Why would I do that?” My eyes fill with tears that I don’t let fall. I pace the room. “I had my period. According to the doctor, it wasn’t a real period, though. I was on the pill, you mostly used condoms. I didn’t think this could be possible.”

He shoots me an accusing look. “Why would you put me in this position?”

I shake my head. I can’t believe he is so in denial. “Put you in what position. It takes two people to make a baby.”

He drinks the rest of his drink, shocking me when he throws the glass at the wall near the door.

“Fuck!” He takes another glass and pours himself a second drink, downing it. “This wasn’t supposed to happen. This can’t happen. I can’t be a father.”

“Why are you saying this?” I ask, even if I know why.

He shakes his head and hits the wall behind him with his fist. “Because he doesn’t deserve it. My name is supposed to die with me.”

“Sal.” I try to reason with him. I take a step toward him, but he raises his hand, stopping me.

“Leave. I can’t talk to you right now.” When I hesitate, he repeats, “I said leave. And don’t hesitate to run.”

It’s not what he said but the way he said it that makes my legs move. The coldness and emotionless voice, the rough expression on his face, and the hatred in his eyes.

I do just what he said. I run until I’m in the back seat of the car. I hold it together until I close the door of my bedroom.

It’s here I fall on the floor and break down in tears. It was supposed to be a happy announcement.

This was what I was afraid of.

This was supposed to be happy news. But from his words and the look in his eyes, it wasn’t.

Because he doesn’t want to be a father.

What about us then?

Is this where we part ways?

With every question, I break more and more until the darkness and exhaustion take over.

thirty-four

Salvatore

“Fuck! Fuck!” I smash the liquor table into the wall, all the contents scattering with it.

This shouldn’t have happened. I was never supposed to be a father. My name was supposed to die with me. I vowed that to myself, and it was the last promise I gave to my father before I killed him.

He won.

Why did he have to win?

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