Page 102 of Do You Ship It

‘I’m sorry,’ he blurts. ‘I never meant to lie to you, Cerys. I wasn’t trying to … I thought you knew it was me. I’d said at the Worlds Beyond con about adding you to Discord. If I’d realized, I would’ve –’

‘No, it’s not … It was my fault, I just … saw what I wanted to see. I didn’t think.’

‘And I get it,’ he says, his voice solid and firm, his eyes fixed on mine. ‘It makes sense now why you were so upset about Jake at the party, and why you just wanted us to be friends and forget – forget about … what happened. I know you guys are close, so I don’t want to –’

‘Max,’ I interrupt, before he can say the same thing as Jake and I did earlier, about not ‘getting in the way’. I really can see why he and Jake became such fast friends: theyarevery similar in a lot of ways. ‘Max, I said I wanted to forget about the kiss and go back to being friends when I thought I was talking toJake. I – if I’d known …’

If I’d known, I honestly don’t know what I would’ve said.

If Max had messaged me away from Discord andI’d known it was him, I would’ve handled it differently. I think I would’ve wanted the chance to get to know him better, maybe without a bathroom door in the way.

‘I thought you didn’t like me,’ I tell him. ‘You’d barely look at me, like it wassucha hardship to talk to me any time we were in a position to have a real-life conversation –’

Max gives a wry chuckle and drags a hand back through his hair, shaking his head before looking at me again. ‘Yeah, because Ifanciedyou, Cerys. And I’m … I’m not like you. I’m not cool and – and put-together. I’m the weird cosplay guy who’s too into this stupid fantasy series. I don’tdothis. I’m the guy whose name people don’t know, remember? I know that I’m … well, I’m not …Jake. Of course you’d pick him. And I don’t exactly have a lot of experience when it comes to … flirting with a girl I like.’

He’s so rattled, the usual aloof expression long gone, it reminds me of after Brayden Brown left the group at Comic Con – the realization that Max plays it cool a lot of the time. Like maybe it’s something he’s taught himself to do, some … defence mechanism. He drags his hand through his hair again, and I reach up to catch it, pulling it back to his side, my fingers slotting through his.

‘Look, Max,forgetabout Jake. After the party, I was focused on fixing things with Jake because I missed my friend – not because he broke my heart. I kept waiting, thinkingyou’dreach out, though – I wanted you to. I just didn’t realize youhad. And I thought that what we’d built in Discord wasn’t worth losing for a kiss, not realizing that …’

I exhale, biting my lip at my own foolishness getting me into this whole mess. Max is watching me so closely, like he can’t bear to miss a single word I say, but the way his gaze flickers down to my mouth is alittledistracting.

‘I’m not choosing Jake,’ I tell him. ‘He’s not the one who … Well, he’s notyou. And you’re … you’re the weird cosplay guy who’s too into a stupid fantasy series and – Max, that’s exactly what I admire about you. I actually reallylikethat about you.’

Max lets out a ragged breath, staring at our interlocked hands hanging between us. His hand is big enough to engulf mine almost completely, but it trembles. I think mine does, too. The way he looks at me, his eyes searching mine, desperate, a furrow in his brow – it’s like he isn’t sure if he can let himself believe me.

I’m not sure I can believe it either. That it’s him. That it was always him.

‘It’s not Jake I’ve got feelings for. That whole speech I gave earlier … that was meant for Runic Rascal. It was meant foryou. You’re the one I want to talk to about my day, about this show, about anything and everything.’

His expression softens, a smile quirking at the edge of his mouth. His fingers thread more solidly through mine.

I keep reading fanfics where the characters loose a breath they didn’t know they were holding; romances where they feel some sense of homecoming – this feels like that. It makes sense, now.

I say softly, ‘People don’t always remember my name, either, you know. My friend Daphne thought I was called Carys at first.’

He huffs another laugh.

‘And I don’t have a whole lot of experience flirting with a guy I like, either. Obviously, or I might’ve noticed a bit sooner …’ I roll my eyes. ‘Can we … maybe rewind, a bit?’

‘What, start again? Blank slate?’

‘No, just … go back a little way. Like … maybe to the part where I was blabbering on about 87 unread messages, making up stupid nicknames and staying up all night to talk, and realizing I was falling forthatguy. For you.’

And it’s not the scary, world-stopping revelation like it seems in the movies.

It’s just … a fact.

We’ve moved closer, somehow, at some point, our bodies almost flush. Now, Max’s free hand comes up to cradle my cheek and my breath hitches in my throat – he seems a lot more like the confident guy who strode around Comic Con in a wig and bandolier when he tilts my head up towards his.

‘D’you mean that?’ he murmurs.

‘Would you prefer it spelled out in a Discord message? Translated into a fanfic?’ I grin. ‘Yes, I mean it.’

He lowers his head, not quite all the way, just close enough for the tip of his nose to graze down the end of mine, and my eyes flutter shut. My hands grip his shoulders and even if he hasn’t kissed me yet, my foot is ready to pop, my knees are weak, I’ll shatter if he lets me go, I’m every cliché in the book.

‘Good,’ he says. ‘Because I’ve fallen for you, too. And I’d really like to take you on a proper date, Cerys.’

My chat at New Year’s with the girls swims to the front of my mind, and I blurt, half teasing, half meaning it, ‘Are you going to wear the elf ears?’

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