Page 26 of Do You Ship It

What if Anissa outs me as a fantasy geek, when I’m not? I mean, yes, fine, I made some drawings of that one character, and I did stay up til two a.m. last night binge-reading the entire ‘Of Love and Books’ fanfiction so far, but that hardly counts!

Does it?

Crap,amI a fan? I thought I could just pretend, for Jake’s sake …

No, I can’t afford to be the weird girl obsessed with this niche, nerdy series. Not in real life. Not when Anissa might be like that, and look where it’s gotten her – eating lunch on her own, completely out of touch with the world around her, and with no friends.

She places her order and comes over to our table.

‘Hi.’

Nikita looks ready to burst, and says in a strange, high-pitched voice, ‘Alright, Anissa?’

‘Did you have frees this morning, too?’

‘Yep,’ Daphne chirps, doing a much better job of making small talk. ‘We’re just debriefing on a date that Cerys had last night. It didn’t really go to plan.’

‘Oh?’ Anissa says, her bright hazel eyes shifting over to me.

I don’t know what to say. It’s not like it’ll get back to Jake through her like it might from Evie … And all my brain is doing is screaming a mantra ofYou’re going to blurt out that you watched OWAR with him and she’ll know what that is and you’ll start gushing about Lady di Silver and Devon and the others are going to think you’ve lost it, don’t mention OWAR don’t mention OWAR mention OWAR mention OWAR mentionOWARmentionOWARmention –

I must be silent for a beat too long because Daphne saves me by explaining, ‘His friend was there, so it turned into a casual hangout instead of a date.’

Chloe says, ‘We were just trying to figure out how Cerys can make thenextone a proper date, and drop some more hints that she’s interested in himromantically. Sort of ask him outwithoutasking him out, you know?’

Anissa nods slowly, but doesn’t offer up any suggestions or contributions to the conversation. Daphneshifts a bit in her seat, and Chloe glances between us all, fidgeting nervously with her glasses. Nikita clears her throat, but seems at a loss for something to break the ice.

We’re all rescued by the barista calling out, ‘Iced Americano with vanilla syrup!’ and Anissa goes to collect her drink, leaving without so much as a wave goodbye.

‘Do you think she heard us talking about her hair?’ Chloe asks, worrying her lip between her teeth. ‘Should we have said something? Apologized? I could’ve shown her my hairdresser’s Instagram?’

Nikita says, ‘D’you see what I mean, though? She’s dead quiet and awkward.’

‘She went to my school,’ I offer up. ‘She’s always been a bit like that, as far as I know.’

Daphne glances at the door, frowning, but it doesn’t seem to be so much irritation at Anissa and more like she’s debating how that interaction could’ve gone differently. Then she sighs. ‘Oh, well. Anyway, those pictures I was going to show you … Would you justlookat the state of me!’

She has us all in peals of laughter then, with her bowl cut-esque look that looks totally atrocious, and Chloe shrieks. ‘No, I remember this! My mum said you looked like one of The Beatles!’

I join in, but my mind is still on Anissa, and my stomach squirms.

It was a lucky escape this time, I think. I’ll have to make sure it doesn’t happen again.

CHAPTER 11

By Sunday evening, I’m listless andbored. I’ve done all my homework, I’ve done my chores, there’s no work shift to distract me, and I’ve read all the ‘Of Love and Books’ fanfiction that @silversmithhh sent me.

Mum is out with some friends for ‘book club’, although I’ve yet to see her pick up a book for it and she usually comes back tipsy; Dad is here again, out in the garage mucking around with her car. Polishing it or checking the oil or something.

And I’m stuck in my room, bored out of my mind. I drop a message in the group chat that I’m now a part of, but the only responses are a photo from Evie looking melodramatically pained while she watches a BBC drama with her family, and Chloe saying she’s bogged down in all the homework that’s due in this week which she neglected in favour of her dressageclasses. The others must be busy, because they don’t respond.

I have to tell myself that they aren’t ignoring me, that there isn’t a secret group chat I’m not in and this one is just to humour me. That’s too paranoid, even for me.

It’s just …strange, making new friends. I’ve never had to worry too much about this before. Friendships just happened – they were down to circumstance and proximity and shared experience and … Well, and mainly, they were down to Jake.

Of course he didn’t have any trouble making friends at his new college. He’d already joined a local football team, so he had built-in mates like Max by the time college started. And anyway, it’s different for boys, I’m convinced of it.Theydon’t have to worry about being mocked for wearing the wrong lipstick or not knowing what sort of bag we’re all using for school this year. Or being too quiet and having bad haircuts, like Anissa.

Thinking of Jake is threatening to send me into a spiral, and the romcom I’ve put on in the background –Red, White and Royal Blue– feels mocking, somehow. The Plan has gone wildly off-piste, and I need to find a way to bring it back. If he hadn’t been busy with the football boys this afternoon …

---