Page 83 of Do You Ship It

‘I basically invited myself, that night. Daniel didn’t invite me. You went to Jake’s football match and it worked out so well, and Daniel had already told me about the party, so I thought – I thought I’d try to be a bit more like you …’

‘Likeme? But …’ ButDaphne’sthe oneIlook up to. The one I take cues and guidance from!

‘You just always seem so … Well, you get stuck into things, you’ll give anything a go, and you’re sort of fearless! I mean, I couldneverhave just gone up to a group of girls I didn’t know and try to be friends with them like you did! I had to drag you all along tothat rugby match with me because I was too much of a coward to go on my own, and eventhenI was too scared to actually go up to the guy and talk to him! But you – you go to Comic Con, for God’s sake!’

I’m stunned that she sees me that way. Stunned because it’s a bit like how Anissa said she saw me. Stunned because … it’s how I’ve started to see Max, and I admire that about him a lot, actually. And it’s sort of nice to hear that Daphne, of all people, thinks it aboutme.

‘Anyway,’ Daphne carries on. ‘I thought I’d justdoit, you know, bite the bullet, be a bit more Cerys, so I went to the party, and – oh, I just didn’t know anybody there, and Daniel wasn’t actually all that bothered to see me. After we snogged, he went to get a drink, then when he didn’t come back, I found him kissinganothergirl in the conservatory! I’d just shut myself in the bathroom upstairs to have a little cry and try to decide whether he was worth it or whether to just go home when I ran into you, and I was too mortified to say anything. But of course you thought the same as Daniel, obviously, that I’d made a drunk mess of myself and was being all annoying and clingy –’

‘No! Oh my God, no, Daphne …’

I can’t believe she thoughtIwas the one judgingherfor how she acted at that party. I feel so awful she’sbeen stuck feeling embarrassed all this time, when I should’ve just talked to her.

This time, it’s my turn to confess all.

Well – at least some.

‘I was upset, and I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. You were just asking me about Jake, and things with him were such a mess and goingsobadly, I couldn’t face it. And I’d just had this fight with Max –’

‘What! Third-wheel Max?’ she exclaims, and it’s like nothing ever happened for a moment – like we haven’t been dodging each other for weeks, like it’s a regular Thursday morning debrief about boys over coffee. Her eyes are bright, scandalized, her hand over her gawping mouth. ‘What did you two even fight about? Did you call him out?’

‘Sort of … But I was really mean about it. Like I was to you, and … Honestly, Daph, the whole night was a total shitshow. It’s not an excuse, but I’m sorry I took that out on you. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you that sooner.’

‘No! Oh, gosh, no, babe,I’msorry! I thought for sure you must hate me –’

‘I thoughtyouhatedme–’

And just like that, it doesn’t even matter, because she’s throwing herself off the makeshift stool to give me a hug, and we’re both laughing, and I’m cussingout Daniel for treating her so rubbish and she’s tutting about boys being not worth all the hassle anyway.

She’s right, they’re not.

I’m just … sad that my friendship with Jake had to get destroyed in the process. That all still hurts too much to go into right now, though, and the main thing is that me and Daphne are patching things up. My shitty boy drama can wait.

By the time the girls are back from their coffees, we’re giggling over how stupid the two of us have been, and when Evie unlocks the door, the five of us pile into a group hug.

Maybe Iamshallow and tag along a bit, or maybe I am fearless and get stuck in to anything, but whatever I am, it feels good to have friends who accept it and fight for me.

Even if those friends aren’t Jake.

CHAPTER 27

It’s Christmas before I know it, and all I can think about is how me and Jake should be hanging out watchingElfand feasting on the biscuit casualties left over from his family’s annual attempt to make a gingerbread village. When Ginny uploads a photo of this year’s wonky spectacular, I have to swipe away before I start crying.

Should I reach out to Jake now? ’Tis the season, and all that, and maybe he’s missing me a bit too? Giving him space seemed like the right thing to do, even if it meant letting him get overhiscrush onme, but I don’t care about that anymore. I just want my friend back. Daphne and I patched things up, couldn’t me and Jake? Then again, there were no broken hearts and betrayals involved there …

In the end, I decide not to.

It’s Christmas, he’s busy, he’s having fun with Ginny home and his older brother Thomas has finally movedto Cardiff so they’ll be playing D&D campaigns and whatever, and I don’t want to spoil the holidays for him. I’ve already been selfish enough when it comes to our friendship.

He’s been hanging out a lot with Anissa, so I try to ask her advice about it, but she only cringes whenever I bring it up.

‘Jake’s just … he’s got some stuff going on, and he’s working through some things,’ she says, in what feels like a very rigid and pre-prepared answer. ‘Pleasedon’t bring me into the middle of it, Cerys. I don’t want to get stuck between you.’

‘Well, you kind of are.’

‘I know, and it’srubbish, believe me. It’s not very nice when he asks me how you’re doing either, you know, and I’ve told him he should justtalkto you. You both feel so bloody awful, I almost …’

‘Want to lock us in a storeroom cupboard until we’re friends again?’

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