Page 39 of Do You Ship It

Jake bounds up the stairs ahead of us, so fast that Max and I get separated from him in the ticket queue by a group of uni-aged guys.

‘Guess I didn’t need to bring those spare ears after all,’ he says rigidly, and he sounds disappointed in me. Like I’ve offended him somehow. Like he has taken my own normal, everyday attire as a deep personal insult.

The tone alone makes me feel guilty, which is stupid when I owe himnothing, and I find myself spinningaround to snap back at him, ‘Probably just as well – I wouldn’t want to have given everybody the wrong impression.’

He frowns, gaze darkening as his chin ticks up. He’s standing on the step below me; like this, we’re eye level. My chest rises and falls shallowly, angrily, blood thrumming in my ears.

It’s not Jake I’m still angry at, of course; I could never be, not really. This is all about Max. Max, who’s responsible for taking Jake away from me, for driving that wedge between us. For being so downright insufferable to be around,all the time.

‘And what impression would that be?’ Max asks, his voice low, almost intimate, his words prickly and curt. His jaw clenches, though he doesn’t take his eyes away from mine, and I don’t look away either. I refuse to let him win, even though I have no idea how we even got into this battle in the first place.

That I’m a freak like you, I want to spit, but even with the words on the tip of my tongue, even with Max being his usual awful self, I can’t bring myself to say them, however true they feel.

Instead, I tilt my head and smile dryly, lips pressed into a thin line, and I give him the haughtiest look I can muster before I, the ‘newbie’ he’s so derisive of, use his own beloved fandom against him.

And I tell him simply, ‘That I think there’s any universe in which Lady di Silver belongs with Sir Grayson.’

As soon as my ticket is scanned I stride forward to where Jake is waiting and loop my arm through his to enter the fray, under the guise of not wanting to get lost in the crowd.

Max falls behind, and I don’t look back.

CHAPTER 16

Comic Con is … a strange experience. But despite it being busier and bigger than the convention I went to with Jake in September, it’s a lot less intense and overwhelming – probably due to the presence of more mainstream fandoms like Star Wars or Marvel. Max ends up not bothering with a panel Jake wants to see, and we lose him for a while afterwards so I actually get to spend some time alone with Jake, which is a relief.

Or it would be, if I didn’t feel like Max was suddenly avoiding me. I don’t even know what I did to upset him so much that he suddenly can’t bear to put up with me, and while I think that’s more of a him problem, I still feel guilty that I might have spoiled his enjoyment of the day.

Still, Jake and I get to hang out just the two of us, and it’s like old times.

It’sbetterthan old times.

Maybe that’s just the recent distance talking, but I think it’s got more to do with how he’ll take my hand every so often so we don’t get separated. Without Max third-wheeling, we both get swept up in the atmosphere of the convention – or, rather, Jake does, and his excitement is so infectious that I’m just happy to share it with him. He darts between stalls selling merchandise and autographs and samples of mead we’re not old enough to taste even though he tries valiantly to persuade the stall owner; he gushes about celebrities and snaps photos from afar of them at their signing tables, and I get a little thrill at seeing some of the OWAR cast in real life, although my favourite characters aren’t here. Then, when Jake spots someone dressed in a really high-quality Mandalorian costume, I offer to take a photo of him, but he insists on asking a stranger so we can be in the picture together.

He grins at the photo afterwards, both of us striking silly poses while the person in cosplay looks more like a professional from the Disneyland parks, and uploads it to Instagram – making mesoglad I’m not in cosplay, and dressed cute instead.

‘An official memento of our first Comic Con together,’ he tells me, beaming so wide that his mouth splits from ear to ear, and my heart flutters – it soundslike he’s saying it’ll be the first of many things the two of us do together, and I like that thought a lot.

Taking full advantage of our alone time, I do my best to flirt with Jake. When we look at the lightsabers on sale, I make him teach me how to hold it, relishing when he stands behind me with his arms all the way around my body, encasing me against him while his hands settle over mine, guiding my arms …

Although he does make all the ‘whoosh’ noises in my ear, which puts a real dampener on the romance of the situation.

I no longer hesitate to reach for his hand, even when the crowds aren’t too thick, and he tugs me along eagerly to each new corner of the convention, his fingers interlocked firmly with mine, his palm warm and smooth. When we wait in line to get some bottles of water, I play with my hair and tell him how good he looks today, how nicehishair looks, how brilliant it is to see him in his element like this and how glad I am that we get to share it. Then I purposely don’t buy my own drink – and Jake, of course, offers me a sip of his, which is hardly the first time but feelsdifferentnow, like this, when there’s just the two of us, and it’s not some big group outing to Barry Island in the heat of summer, passing around a Diet Coke.

I really try my best. I go all-in, as bold as I dare to be.

The place is so packed, it almost grants us privacy: everyone is too preoccupied to pay any attention to us.

Unfortunately, though, every time I think me and Jake are truly having A Moment and something is going to happen …hegets too preoccupied by something else going on around us that it never gets a chance to fully manifest.

Now, though, we’re squashed into a standing-room-only panel that includes the guy who plays Daxys inOf Wrath and Rune, and Jake is forced to stand flush against my back. I’m acutely aware of everywhere the lines of his body are pressed into me, far closer than when we looked at the lightsabers, and the unexpected proximity makes me positively vibrate with excitement.Heinitiated this one, I’m sure of it. He could’ve kept a bit of space between us if hereallywanted to, right? I have to fight to stand totally still.

Jake leans his chin on to my shoulder, the side of his forehead resting against mine. ‘You alright? You’re stood all funny.’

‘Fine!’ It comes out a bit reedy and thin, and he tries to shuffle back to steal another inch of space so I can be more comfortable, putting an arm lightly over my shoulder as if to buffer me from the person on my left. I can’t very well explain that it isn’t the crowds that’re making me so awkward, but I appreciate the chivalryand throw him a grateful smile. When he stands holding me so casually like this, it’s as if we really are boyfriend and girlfriend. I let the daydream take over a bit and relax. Jake rests his head against mine again to see the panel better, and it’s so lovely that I never want it to end. My skin tingles where he touches me, even through all the layers of clothes between us.

If this were real, I think, if he’d justaskme to be his girlfriend, we’d never have to think twice about this sort of affection …

Jake is just perfect boyfriend material. He’s truly the sort of guy that romcom movies are made of: kind and sweet and funny and attractive, so inherently likeable and loveable, and we go together so well. It’d be impossiblenotto have a crush on him.

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