Page 72 of Do You Ship It

‘Yeah. Obviously.’

Ish. Sort of. Not really.

I must not sound very convincing, because he laughs again.

‘You’re impossible,’ he informs me.

‘I do my best.’

‘D’you wanna come out of there yet?’

I shrug, debating it. Ishouldget myself together, go downstairs, join in with the party, try to find Jake and Anissa, maybe even Daphne if she’s still here somewhere …

But I also know that the second I open the door, I’ll end up face to face with Max, and that suddenly seems … like a lot. Like too much.

There are goosebumps all along my arms, and I hug my legs a bit tighter into my body.

No, I decide. I am not ready to leave yet.

Rather than answer him, I say, ‘Can I ask you something?’

‘Sure.’

‘What’s the deal with the necklace? The one you always wear. Is it part of your cosplay?’

‘It’s … I mean, yes? No. Both? I got inspired to make it because of OWAR, and it fit my Moonwalker cosplay, but it’s …’

There’s something raw in the edge of his voice that prompts me to say, ‘You don’t have to tell me.’

‘Nah, it’s okay. It just sounds kind of stupid.’ He laughs, self-deprecating, in a way that makes me think it’s the very opposite of stupid. ‘So they don’t make it as obvious in the show, and I don’t know if you’ve gotten to this part in the books, but the Moonwalker wears this pendant to remind him about his mission –’

‘An arrowhead from the attack that killed his family, yeah.’

‘Right. And – well, my dad’s always wanted us to do well with school, worked hard to make sure we have the opportunities he didn’t. I remember when me and my big sister were little, he took us to the zoo one time, and obviously we wanted to go mad in the gift shop –’

‘The best part of any day out,’ I agree sombrely.

‘But things were kind of tight, so he took us over to one of those pressed penny souvenir machines. He got us to make a wish while we turned the crank and thistiny, crappy piece of copper felt likemagic, you know? Way beyond anything else we’d have found in the gift shop. It turned into a bit of a tradition whenever we went anywhere, or what we’d come back with from a school trip, and we thought they were so cool. Me and my sister had this whole collection. I kind of forgot about them until a couple of years ago, and found this box full of them, and I realized this really fun memory we had with our dad was … you know, his way of trying to make the best of things when they were tough. So I drilled a hole in one, to wear. It’s … I don’t know. It feels like a good luck charm, or something …’

He trails off a bit quietly, a bit awkwardly, alotuncomfortably.

My hand shifts, even though I can’t reach for him from here. It lands next to my side on the floor, empty and cold.

‘That’s not stupid. That’s really sweet, Max.’

It makes me wish things were different with my parents. It makes me wishIwere different – that I could have some mature, inspired, grown-up take on why they act the way they do, like Max had about his dad and those pressed pennies.

I inhale deeply through my nose, but it ends up sounding like a sniffle, and when I bring my hands up, my cheeks are wet.

I don’t even know why I’m crying. Tonight has just been alot, and it’s not even over yet.

‘Cerys? You okay?’

‘Yeah.’ It’s a little shaky, but I stand up, and sound steadier when I add, ‘I’m just gonna use the loo. I’ll come find you and the others downstairs in a sec, okay?’

He pauses, and I think about that arm around me after someone bumped into me, and close my eyes. As if I’m not frazzled enough right now without addingthatwhole weirdness to the mix. But Max says, ‘Okay,’ and I hear him leave.

I dump my mostly-untouched Kopparberg down the sink. I don’t need to add ‘drunken mess’ to the state I’m in. I’ve already got the ‘mess’ part down pat.

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