Page 125 of Firecracker

Arden closed her eyes, her face looking like someone was pulling out her fingernails. “You can’t. You can’t love me.”

His heart dropped like a stone. “Talk to me, Arden. What’s going on?”

“Shit, Tyler. I told you before…” She pushed away from him, scrambling off his lap and back into the corner of his sectional like a cornered animal. “I’m trying to get my life together. Figure out who I am. What I want to do.”

“So do it. What’s stopping you?”

“You!” She pressed her lips together and gazed at him. “You,” she said more quietly. “You’re stopping me. I can’t lose myself again.”

He felt like someone had just plunged a jagged blade into his chest and twisted it. He stared at her. “That’s fucking bullshit. I love you. I want to look after you. I want to walk you home and make sure Liam is treating you right and help you set up your business and—”

“Don’t you see thatI need to do that for myself?” She twisted her fingers together. “I don’t need a hero. I need to be my own hero. I’ve said that to you, and you keep not listening. You’re always trying to jump in and fix things for people. You know what happened to me. You know how important it is to me to stand on my own two feet and get my life together.”

“Is that really what you think? That I’m the one who’s stopping you from doing that?” He lifted his chin, his jaw set. “You think you’re the only one trying to figure things out? You’re not. We all are. You’re just not being honest.”

Chapter Twenty-Four

Arden glared at Tyler, actual spots flashing in front of her eyes. Her breath had all left her body and her chest strained. For a moment she couldn’t even speak.

She tried to swallow, tried to breathe. Her hands curled into fists. “That’s not true,” she whispered. “I am honest. I’m not lying.”

“Arden…” His face contracted and he reached out a hand.

She couldn’t let him touch her. Her chest now burned like a hot knife was slicing through it. But she didn’t want him to know that. She didn’t want him to know how much his words hurt her.

She’d tried so hard not to feel sorry for herself, not to dwell on the negatives, not to let her past drag her down. She’d told herself over and over again that life was good and precious, and she was strong enough to get through it all and one day she’d figure out where she was going. Lately she’d started to feel like she was getting there.

So for him to say that to her…that she wasn’t being honest…that hurt. “You’re the one who’s full of shit.” She tossed her hair back, straightened her legs and slid off the couch. “I’m sorry if you thought there was more between us than there is. I’m sorry I gave you the wrong impression. But don’t make me feel like crap because…because…” She couldn’t say it. “Don’t blame me. I’ve blamed myself for enough stuff. But I’ve never lied to you.”

“Arden.” His voice was low and rough, his face drawn into tight lines. “I never said you lied to me.”

She shook her head, sliding her hands into her hair. “Fuck! I knew we shouldn’t have done this.” She sucked in a shaky breath. “I’m sorry. For everything.”

She’d just told him not to blame her, and yet she was apologizing. On some level she recognized that this was fucked up. Whatever.

“I didn’t want things to be messed up for all of us,” she choked out as she stumbled toward the door. “For Jamie and Mila. I-I’ll figure out something…” Her voice was going shaky and thin as tears threatened. She had to hold it together.

“Arden.”

She stopped and leaned her head against the wall next to the door, her hand on the doorknob.

“You need to be honest withyourself.”

She squeezed her eyes shut. What the hell did that mean? “Sure.” What the hell was she supposed to say now?Goodbye?There was going to be no avoiding each other, living right across the hall from each other.Thanks for the memories. And the great sex.She finally settled on, “Good night, Tyler.”

She wrenched open the door, shut it, and staggered across to her own place. Inside, it was blessedly dark and quiet. He wouldn’t follow her, would he?

She turned the deadbolt lock on the door—something she hadn’t done since she’d first moved in.

Probably not needed. Why would he follow her? She’d just crushed him. He’d told her he loved her, and she’d rejected him. What could be worse than that?

She closed her eyes again as pain washed down through her in a river of heat.

He didn’t really love her. He couldn’t. He’d be fine.

Wait…another slice of pain burned through her. Or maybe that was shame. Was that what he meant about being honest with herself? Was she telling herself lies to make herself feel better about hurting him?

Oh God, she was a terrible person. A terrible, awful person. She hadn’t been able to keep a marriage together, and now she couldn’t even have a fling without it becoming a complete goat fuck.

---