Page 136 of Firecracker

After a while, Jamie said quietly, “Do you even give a shit how he is?”

Her eyes flew open and her head lifted to glare at him. “That’s a stupid question. I just about passed out, thinking he could be dead.”

“You fucking broke his heart.”

She fell back against the pillow and closed her eyes again. Her throat ached and her face burned. She wouldn’t open her eyes to look at Jamie, knowing the recrimination she would see on his face. She thought she might throw up, her stomach was so tight with worry. She swallowed. “I know.”

Tyler. Brave and strong, loyal and protective. He was the best man she’d ever known. She’d been so, so lucky to be with him…so lucky to be the one he wanted. Tears stung her eyes at the staggering waste of it. What had she done?

“I’m sorry,” she choked out, meeting Jamie’s eyes. “I messed things up.”

He narrowed his eyes at her from where he sat on a nearby chair. “Seems that way.”

“What did Tyler tell you?”

“He said you broke up with him.”

She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth.

“He was wrecked, Arden.”

She closed her eyes again. Everything inside her hurt. “I’m sorry. I was…I panicked.”

“What the fuck? Why?”

“Because…because…I don’t want to get lost again.”

“Okay…”

“I love him. I really do.” She paused. “I lost someone before.”

“Yeah.” Jamie’s head dropped forward briefly. “Shit, Arden. I wasn’t thinking about that. Are you okay?”

His sudden switch from annoyance to sympathy made her heart squeeze. “I’m not sure. I’m scared for him.”

“He’s gonna be okay. He—” Jamie stopped abruptly.

“I didn’t handle things well. But I was scared. I didn’t want to fall in love because I thought that would interfere with my plan…my goal. To figure out who I am and what I want to do with my life.”

“Hell, Arden.Noneof us have it figured out. And I don’t know if we’re really supposed to. None of us know where we’re really going in life…and even if we think we do, shit happens and it all changes. But it’s not about that. It’s about getting there. It’s about learning and growing.” He paused. “Maybe Tyler is part of figuring things out.”

She nodded, her throat thick. “I think I know that now. And I realize I was also scared because…I feel guilty about what happened with Michael. I talked to Mom about it. And…maybe…it wasn’t my fault he took his own life.”

Jamie gaped at her. “You blame yourself?”

“I was his wife. I should have known what he was going through. I feel like…nobody should love me.”

After a shocked beat, Jamie shook his head. “Lots of people love you, Arden.”

One corner of her mouth lifted. “Even you?” She tried for a teasing tone, but it maybe came out a little needier than she wanted.

“Even me.” He smiled.

“I love you too,” she whispered. “And I’m an idiot.”

“Yeah.” His smile went crooked. “But at least you’re smart enough to know when you screwed up. So what are you going to do to fix it?”

“I need to see him.” She sucked in a breath and lifted her chin. “Take me to the hospital.”

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