Page 138 of Firecracker

“Tyler. God.” She took a step and dropped into the visitor chair, setting her purse on the floor. “Of course I care.”

“That’s not what you said last time I saw you.”

She closed her eyes, looking like she might puke.

He was kind of feeling the same. “There’s an emesis basin over there.” He rolled his head toward the small table next to the bed.

“A what?”

“Emesis basin. For puking.”

She grabbed it and jumped up to hold it out to him.

“Not me. You looked likeyouneed it.”

Her forehead creased. “I’m not going to throw up.”

“Oh.”

She went to set the tray back down.

“Wait. I might need it after all.” He closed his eyes, willing the nausea to pass. He did not want to hurl in front of the prom queen. “Okay. I think I’m okay.”

“Oh God. Tyler.” She dropped the tray on the table, and sat again, leaning forward. “This is awful. What happened?”

“Eh. Don’t wanna tell it again.”

She blinked and nodded. “Okay. That’s okay, you don’t have to. Thank God you’re all right. Or you will be. Right?”

“Yep.” This was sucking the energy out of him, and he was so fucking confused. “So you can go now. I’m going to be all right.”

Her eyes widened and her face tightened. “I didn’t come here just to make sure you’re okay.” Now she looked like she was facing a gang of bangers with semiautomatic machine guns aimed at her head. “I mean, I did, because I was worried stupid about you, but also because…I have to tell you something.”

“Sure. Go for it.”

Her forehead creased. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah. Like I said, good drugs. Hey, is that a racoon looking in the window?”

Her head jerked around, then back, eyes wide.

He gave a dry laugh. “Just messin’ with you. Although I was pretty sure you were here last night. And you were pole dancing…naked.”

“Oh.” Her cheeks flushed pink and she bit her lip. “Okay.” She inhaled a big breath. “I wanted to tell you…” Her posture stiffened, but her shoulders went back and she lifted her chin. “I want to tell you that I’m sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I was an idiot. I’m sorry I didn’t realize that I…I…I love you too.” Her voice trembled. “My mom helped me see how stupid I was and helped m-me…woman up and come see you and be honest with you.” She met his eyes and hers shone. “You were right, Tyler. I wasn’t being honest with myself.”

His insides clenched.

“When it came to loving someone…I was terrified. I still am.” She met his eyes. “I let Michael down. I didn’t know what he was going through. I should have known. I should have been able to help him. I felt it was my fault that he died.”

He couldn’t speak for a moment, his throat closed up. “You feel responsible for himdying?”

“Yes.” She closed her eyes, looking like someone was sawing off her arm. “I talked to my mom about it. I probably should have talked to someone about it a long time ago. Instead, I’ve been carrying this guilt around, thinking I can’t be in relationship because of that.”

“Christ.”

“I know.” She nodded. “I know I wasn’t responsible for how Michael lived his life and the choices he made. I felt like I should have known, should have done something. Mom made me realize that’s not what love is. You can’t ever keep someone you love from hurting or making bad choices or being unhappy. You can only support them. Encourage them. I realized that’s how I feel about you. I love you. And I’m sorry I hurt you.”

He gazed back at her, a weird out-of-body sensation possessing him. This was Arden…the woman he loved…telling him she loved him too. What he’d always wanted, his whole fucking life. And he was afraid to believe her.

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