Page 147 of Firecracker

“Yeah.” He sighed. “I felt so bad…for putting her through that.”

“I understand how she feels,” she said softly. “Because we both love you. I know that feeling…wanting you to be safe and happy, always. But life isn’t like that.”

“Jamie and Mila freaked out too.”

“Because they care about you too.”

Regret squeezed his lungs. He tried to make light of it. “Jamie damn near passed out in the hospital. I mean, he’s my friend, but I didn’t know he was such a wuss.”

She gave his shoulder a light smack. “I guess I can’t give him grief about that, since I nearly fainted too. But like I said, he cares about you.”

“I hate that I scared the shit out of everyone.”

“There are no guarantees in life,” she said softly. She reached out to cup his cheek. “I know that, now. You love someone for who they are, and that’s all you can do. I just wish…I should have been here for you when it happened. I hate that I wasn’t. I’ll never do that again.”

He covered her hand with his and held it there, loving her gentle touch.

“We can be here for each other now. And for always. In all the ways we can. I know there are risks in your job…but it’s who you are, and I want you to be happy.”

“You said that before. When you were trying to get me to go out with Sorcha.”

“Yeah, don’t even think of it, dude.”

He grinned. “I wasn’t, believe me.”

She sniffed. “I was trying to be noble. If we couldn’t be together, Iwouldwant you to be happy with someone. I wouldn’t really like it,” she admitted. “But I do want you to be happy. I want you to do the job you love. I want you to move up in the fire department and maybe someday be running it.”

He smiled.

“And I know your mom has to feel the same. Because she loves you too.”

His chest filled with emotion, he stared back at her. “I love you.”

She smiled. “I love you too.”

“I love you for celebrating daiquiris and ice cream. And for baking me muffins. And for giving me blow jobs.”

She let out a noise halfway between a laugh and a sob. “And I love you for walking me home at night and loving my muffins—”

“That sounds dirty.”

She swatted at him. “That wasn’t a euphemism. But hell…I’ll just say it—I love you for loving my jay-jay.”

“I really do.”

“I may not know where I’m going,” she said more seriously. “But I want to figure it out with you. Loving you doesn’t have to stop me from figuring it out.”

“That’s exactly right.” He pulled her hand to his mouth and kissed it. “I want to help you figure it out. Not stop you. It fucking hurt when you said it was my fault that you couldn’t do that.”

“I know.” Her voice wobbled. “I’m so sorry. I was wrong. It wasn’t you. It was me. And you knew it. You knew I wasn’t being honest with myself. And now I know…God, Tyler, you make me better. Without you…” She stopped, choking up.

He shook his head slowly. “Without me, you’d be fine. Because like I’ve told you…you’re smart and strong. But together…we can be more than fine. We can be fucking fantastic.”

The corners of her mouth lifted. “I want to be there for you too,” she said earnestly. “While you make your mom proud of you and move up in the fire department. None of us have it all figured out, but maybe we’re not supposed to. It’s the journey where we learn the things that help us grow and prepare us for the destination…even if we’re not sure what the destination is. Even if it changes along the way. If life is a journey…I want to take the journey with you.”

He gathered her back into his arms. “Yeah. Hell yeah. Let’s do it. Together.”

Epilogue

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