Page 114 of Firecracker

Arden’s heart squeezed. “He’s a douchenoggin.” Of course, now shehadto think about Tyler going down on her…how into it he’d been, how he’d told her he loved her taste, her smell, how he’d lingered there and made sure she came. God. Gratitude and appreciation swelled inside her. And a little heat gathered in her core, remembering how good it had been…

“Women are scared of their vaginas,” Emma announced.

Arden nodded. “I think that’s true. A while back I read about vaginal bleaching. Oh my God.”

“Women are even having surgery to look better down there! Labiaplasty!”

“It’s because of porn. Now not only do we need perfect breasts and a perfect ass, we need a perfect lady garden.”

Mila snorted with laughter. “Lady garden! Ha! Also, guys apparently aren’t at all worried about their junk. As evidenced by the dick pics.”

“See, that’s true!” Arden nodded. “And it probably has something to do with the fact that women still feel ashamed of being sexual.”

“I’m not ashamed,” Mila protested.

“Maybe it’s a subconscious thing,” Emma offered. “There still is a double standard for men and women when it comes to sex.”

“The vagina is something we should be proud of,” Arden said. “It gives us so much pleasure, on top of the miracle of procreation. It’s…it’s the essence of our femininity.”

“Right?” Mila nodded.

“Women’s bodies are amazing!” Emma said.

“Let’s love our vaginas!” Mila shouted, attracting the attention of a group of people passing them on the sidewalk, three men and two women.

“Yeah!” One of the women in the group stopped to high-five them. “Love your vaginas, ladies!”

“I’m enthusiastically pro-vagina!” one of the men declared.

Amid laughter, they all cheered on vaginas, including the men, then Arden, Mila, and Emma continued on to the comedy club.

* * *

“Where’s my whisk? I can’t find my whisk. Jesus, who took my goddamn whisk?”

Tyler wrapped his arms around Arden from behind in her small kitchen. “Shhh. Nobody took your whisk. What’s going on?”

It was the night before the breakfast she was catering for Jamie, and she was bouncing around her kitchen like she was the ball in a pinball machine.

“I can’t find my whisk! How the hell am I supposed to make the eggs without a whisk?”

“We’ll find it.” He released her and calmly opened the drawer where she kept her utensils. Moving aside a few spatulas, he located the whisk and handed it to her.

She dropped her head forward. “Thank you.”

“C’mere.” He pulled her into his arms again and pressed her face to his shoulder. “You okay?”

“Yes. No. I’m a mess. I’m freaking out.”

“It’s going to be fine.”

“I’m terrified. Something’s going to go wrong. I’m going to be totally humiliated and I’ll embarrass Jamie and his whole company.” Her voice quivered as she talked.

Tyler rubbed slow circles on her back. “You have a plan,” he reminded her.

“I know.”

“What’s left to do? Can I help?”

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