When things had gotten tough, she’d been scared and she’d run away. Instead of dealing with them like an adult, which she hadn’t done with Michael either.
That wasn’t learning from her mistakes. She hung her head, shame burning her insides.
Shewasstrong. She’d been through hell. She’d survived. She could do anything.
She lifted her chin.
But could she do what she had to do to make things better with Tyler?
She pulled in a slow breath through her nose, her hands flat on the cool granite.
Yes. She had to try. She had to try to be the woman she’d wanted to become—brave, honest, strong.
She jumped off the stool and skidded across the shiny floor to the sliding doors. She flung one aside and stepped out. “Mom!”
Mom looked up from the magazine she was reading, startled.
“I need to book a flight and pack.”
Mom’s slow smile made Arden’s heart squeeze. She set down her magazine. “I’ll help.”
* * *
She hadn’t told Jamie or anyone she was coming back to Chicago. She felt like an idiot now, quitting her job at Shenanigans, running out on the new life she’d built. She would fix things. She would do better.
She took the train and then the bus home.Home.
The air in her apartment felt a little stale, but the scent of her favorite honeysuckle candles lingered. She looked around, remembering the day she’d arrived. Since then, she had a new bathroom, a beautifully refinished fireplace, and perfect painted walls. Baseboards and door casings hadn’t been added, but the apartment was almost finished. Thanks to Tyler.
She remembered cooking together in her kitchen, trying new recipes using the things they’d shopped for, feeding each other tastes, him complaining about how messy she was, her telling him culinary creativity couldn’t be stifled by orderliness, arguing over whether they’d used too much salt or not enough. Then the fun and laughter they’d shared with their friends and Jamie while eating what they’d cooked.
It was everything she’d lost. Friendship, companionship…love.
She unpacked her suitcase, then crossed the hall to Tyler’s place. She paused, listening, but heard nothing, so she turned the doorknob and entered. Inside, she padded down the hall and peered into Tyler’s bedroom. Bed neatly made as always before he went to work. A pair of jeans draped over the arm of a chair, a pair of socks on the floor next to the hamper. She shook her head, smiling faintly. She’d bugged him about why he couldn’t put his socks into the hamper instead of on the floor near it. She picked up the socks and dropped them in.
She sucked on her bottom lip as she meandered through the silent apartment. The whole place smelled faintly like Tyler, like the spicy clean body wash and shave balm he used. She pressed her fingers to her eyes.
She thought she’d lost a lot when Michael had died. Now, she felt she’d lost so much more. But at least she would have the courage to stand up and admit how she felt. To tell the truth. To be honest not just with herself, but with the man she loved.
In the kitchen, she checked the dishwasher. It was full, but everything was clean, so she unloaded it and then moved a couple of glasses, a bowl, and a spoon from the sink to the dishwasher. She grabbed a sponge and wet it and wiped off the counters, then polished up the stainless steel taps and faucet.
She knew who she was. Maybe she didn’t know where she was going, but she wasn’t alone in that. Jamie’d told her that. Mila and Emma had told her that.
She’d already learned a lot about herself. Sure, she’d freaked out about Tyler. Maybe he couldn’t forgive her for that. She’d hurt him. She understood that and it broke her own heart knowing it. But if she’d learned anything the past year, it was that forgiving herself for her screwups was the first step.
* * *
“Mom, I’m going to be fine.” Tyler wasn’t sure of that himself just then, but his mom was so distraught he felt a need to reassure her. “Really.”
Mom couldn’t stop crying, holding his hand, sitting in the chair beside his hospital bed. “Th-this is wh-why I don’t want you to d-do this,” she sobbed.
Tyler’s forehead tightened. “Because I might get hurt?”
“Y-yes.” She gave a huge, unladylike sniff. Tyler handed her some tissues from the box. Hospital issue, they were thin and sandpapery, but it was all they had. She swiped at her nose. “Every day I worry about you. If something happens to you…I can’t…” She broke down again.
Christ. His jaw dropped.Thiswas what her disappointment in his career was all about? She was actually terrified something would happen to him?
She tried to get control of her emotions, wiping at her eyes and nose. “I can’t lose you,” she whispered. “I can’t lose another child. You’re all I have left.”