Page 109 of Must Love Dogs… and Hockey

“Pretty good, actually. We had a good talk. It was…painful. But necessary.”

She takes another sip of coffee and tilts her head.

I swallow. “I told her how I felt after Dad and Bryce died. How I felt she didn’t care enough about me to try to keep going.”

She nods.

“And I realized that what I’ve been afraid of ever since is…well, I’ve been afraid of losing things I care about, obviously.”

“Like hockey.”

I squeeze my eyes shut briefly at the sharp twist I feel in my heart. “I’m so sorry I said that.”

“But it’s true. Hockey’s important to you.”

“It is.” I inhale a deep breath. “But it’s not the most important thing. The thing I was most afraid of losing was you.”

Her mouth trembles. Her eyes get shiny again.

“For real, Lilly.” I hold her gaze. “I was afraid of losing you. You told me you love me, and I was terrified of that. I’ve been terrified for ages because all I think about is you. You mean more to me than any other person. You’re everything. Everything I need. Everything I want.”

“Oh God.” She sets down her coffee mug, her hands shaking. “Oh, Easton.”

“I was afraid of caring too much for you. I’ve been afraid of caring too much for anything. I try to be all cynical, but the truth is, deep down inside I’ve been terrified of wanting something I can’t have. I realized that when I was talking to my mom.” Now I shift my gaze away. “When she told me she loves me, I realized…that’s all I want.” My heart is beating so fast, I might have a heart attack.

Lilly covers her mouth with her hands.

“I wanted to come and tell you that. But first I had to fix some things.” I draw in another breath. “Jammer, JBo, and I met with Mr. Julian and formally made a complaint about Coach’s behavior.”

Her eyebrows zoom up. “Really?”

“Yeah. And we filed a complaint with the players’ association. There’s an investigation going on now.”

“Oh my God.”

“Somehow it leaked to the media. You didn’t hear about it?”

Eyes wide, she shakes her head.

“You were right that we had to do something. I was inspired by you—how brave you were to do what you did when your employer was hurting people.”

She presses a hand to her chest. “Oh, Easton.”

“I thought you didn’t understand. Hockey’s different. But you did understand. And hockey’s not that different.” I grimace. “There’s no place for abuse and racism. Anywhere.”

She’s watching me closely, emotions flickering across her face.

“And you told me that being brave means deciding that something else is more important than my fears. And you were right about that too.”

Tears slide down her smooth cheeks.

“I was brave enough to talk to my mom, and she told me…Christ, women are smart.”

Lilly chokes on a little laugh. “She told you that?”

I smile. “No. That’s just my own observation. She told me that loving someone is worth the risk. And forherto say that…must mean it’s true.”

She smiles back at me, her nose and cheeks pink.

---