Page 85 of Must Love Dogs… and Hockey

We’re all still laughing.

“Wait, I’ve got another one,” Cookie says. “If a bluebird has blue babies, a blackbird has black babies, a redbird has red babies, what kind of bird has no babies?” He pauses. “A swallow!”

This time the laughter is mixed with groans.

“So, no snip, eh?” I say to Russ.

“You said ‘eh.’ ” Cookie points at me.

He likes to bug me about my “Canadian accent.” I roll my eyes. “I can’t help it.” I turn back to Russ. “Anyway, I heard there’s going to be a global condom shortage. You better stock up.”

“What?” His eyes widen. “Seriously?”

Cookie backs me up. “I heard that too.”

“Oh, man.” Russ looks worried.

Some of the other guys believe me too. “Good thing I just bought a jumbo box,” JBo says.

I snort. “As if you need jumbo condoms.”

“Not jumbo as in size. I mean, like, a large box of them.” He scowls when he realizes I’m yanking his chain and we all laugh.

Dammit, all of that and nobody said “dick.”

A while later, Russ gets up to use the men’s room. I motion to Cookie, seated next to him. Russ left his phone sitting on the table. Cookie grins and slides it over to me. Score! He just used it and didn’t lock it.

The other guys see I’m doing something, but they don’t know what.

I find myself in Russ’s contacts and change the name to Hannah, then return the phone to the table.

Cookie tells another joke and everyone’s laughing as Russ returns.

“What’d I miss?” he asks as he takes his seat.

“This dick,” Cookie says.

Everyone roars and points at him.

“Dinner’s on you!” I’m laughing so hard.

“Well, shit.” Cookie shakes his head.

“Good, good,” Russ says, elbowing Cookie. “Thought maybe I missed something big.”

“Ha ha ha.”

I casually pick up my phone and send Russ the text I already composed.Hey honey, we need to talk. I might be pregnant.

I lift my glass of water and take a sip while watching him pick up his phone when it pings. He reads the message he thinks is from Hannah. His jaw goes slack and his face pales. He swipes a hand across his forehead and mutters, “Shit.”

I swallow my laughter. Cookie turns to Russ. “What’s up, man? You don’t look so good.”

“I…” He swallows. “Hannah says she might be pregnant.”

I slowly shake my head. “See? Shoulda had the big snip.” Then I can’t contain it any longer and burst out laughing. As does everyone else.

Russ lifts his head, looks around, and realizes he’s been had. He throws his napkin at me across the table. I catch it easily, still chortling.

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