Page 103 of Must Love Dogs… and Hockey

“I needed you.”

Her gaze swivels back to me. For an eternity, she says nothing. Then her eyes glisten. “I’m sorry, Easton.”

I grab her hand and squeeze it, my own eyes stinging. I didn’t want to make her cry. “It’s okay, Mom. I know you were struggling.”

“I was.” Her fingers move in mine. Her mouth tightens. “I’m sorry.”

“I just…I felt like I didn’t matter.”

She stares at me. Her chin trembles and she lowers her head. “Oh, Easton.”

“I don’t want to make you feel bad,” I say urgently. Shit. This was a bad idea. I knew I would screw it up. “I just want…” I stop. What do I want?

She lifts her head, eyes wet and red. “I love you, Easton.”

That. That was what I wanted. Needed. My eyes are wet too as I squeeze her hands. “I love you too, Mom.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough.” She pulls her hand free of mine to swipe away tears with her knuckles. “I’m so sorry.”

And it hits me…“Maybe I should have been there for you.”

“Oh no. No. You were a child.”

“I was eighteen.”

A smile flickers on her lips. “A child. You went through an incredible trauma, being on the bus, seeing your teammates die. And your brother.” She lifts a hand to her throat, tips her head back, and closes her eyes. “And your father. Other people injured. You were so lucky. And yet…”

“Not lucky.”

“You shouldn’t dwell on that. You survived. You have what you always wanted—you’re playing in the NHL.”

That was what I always wanted. But now…maybe there’s more.

“That was all I wanted after that.” I suck in air, inflating my chest, then exhaling. “I should have been more focused on you and on being grateful. Instead…I’ve been bitter.”

“Oh, Easton. My boy.” A tear slides down her cheek. “You are so blessed. Don’t be bitter.”

I nod, my throat constricted.

“I love you and I’m so proud of you. You went through hell and you’ve done so well.”

“I’m not sure I have.” I pause. “I met a girl.”

Her lips curve up. “Oh. I’ve waited so long to hear those words.”

“She’s really special. And I screwed up. I was afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”

I clear my throat. “I was afraid of losing her. Like I lost everyone else.” I swallow thickly. “I was afraid to want something I can never have.”

Love.

That’s all I’ve wanted.

“Youcanhave it.” She meets my eyes. “Youdohave it. Yes, it hurts to lose people we love. It hurts so much.” Her voice fractures. “But Easton, my best boy…it’s worth the risk. EvenIbelieve it’s worth the risk.”

I lean over to rest my forehead against her hair. And we sit like that for a long time.

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