Page 41 of Must Love Dogs… and Hockey

“Yeah.” He seems surprised I’m asking. “Of course. I always wanted to travel and learn new things. But real life got in the way. And then one day you realize…” He pauses, looks away from the camera, then back. “If you don’t do it now, you never will. And in the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take, the relationships we were afraid to have, and the decisions we waited too long to make.”

I go very still. “Dad. Are you dying? Is that why you’re doing this?”

A laugh burst out of him. “No! Good God, why would you think that?”

“You just sounded like you’re at the end of your life.”

“No, no, of course not. I mean, I hope not.” He chuckles. “But I am a lot older than you and I know what it’s like to look back with regrets.”

I nod slowly. “Okay.” I get it. I just wished he’d done it differently. “Tell me what you’ve been doing.”

He talks about how peaceful the island is, how it feels almost therapeutic to be there, about kayaking through a mangrove forest and strolling the white sand beaches. “Tomorrow I’m going cliff diving.”

“Jesus!” I straighten. “Dad!”

“What? It’ll be fine.”

I squeeze my eyes closed briefly and breathe. “I guess I can’t convince you not to.”

He laughs. “Nope. Don’t worry, chickpea, I’ll be fine.”

“Okay. I…do you know when you’re coming home?”

He rubs his nose. “I’m not feeling it yet.”

“Mom needs you.”

“She’s fine! I just talked to her.”

I don’t know what to say. Is it possible Mom is doing better than I think? “What about me?” I swallow. “I’d like to have my dad here. Things have been…tough.”

“You’re a strong young woman,” he says. “And I may not be physically there, but I’m always here for you.”

I swallow my sigh. Hewasthere for me when I lost my job, and when I had to make a decision about what to do. And he does check in with me. “Right,” I say. “Thanks, Dad.”

Our call ends. I turn up the volume on the TV and see that the Bears have tied it up. Yay.

Otis is asleep at the far end of the couch, and I pick him up and hold him. I might regret waking him because now he’ll want to play, but puppy cuddles feel really good right now.

I just want to feel like I’m a success at something. Being unemployed made me feel like a huge loser. Job hunting and all the rejections that came with that are killer on the self-esteem. Being in debt only makes it all worse. Some days it feels like I’m in a huge hole and I’ll never be able to dig myself out of it. Why even try?

I blow out a long exhalation. Those are the kinds of catastrophic thoughts that dragged me into depression. I have to stop that right now. I’m not a loser. I was wrongfully terminated. I’m fighting back. Soon, I’ll be vindicated.

I hope.

I give Otis a squeeze, and he wriggles in my arms and jumps free of me just as the Bears score a goal. With a laugh, I pump a fist into the air. “Yeah!”

Otis gives a sharp bark and spins.

“Attaboy! That’s how you cheer for your dad!”

Somehow, I don’t think Easton considers himself Otis’s dad. The thought makes me smile.

I tried to snoop a little at his apartment to learn more about him, but that didn’t give me much to go on. I stayed out of his bedroom. But when I ran into him at the park yesterday and we were hanging out with the dogs, I felt like I saw a different side of him. A softer, more relaxed side. He pretends he doesn’t care, but I think he likes Otis. His smile watching his pup run around and have fun made my heart bump against my sternum.

He was so tense and short when he talked about his coach and the game. And then Otis made him laugh and loosen up. I never thought about the kind of pressure that professional athletes are under. They may play a sport for a living, but apparently it’s not all fun and games. I want to know more about what’s going on with Easton that makes him so edgy and cynical at times.

But that’s none of my business. He’s a client. A hot, enigmatic client, but not someone whose hopes and dreams and baggage I need to know all about. And he doesn’t need to know mine.

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