Page 111 of You Had Me at Hockey

“I know.”

“Thank you. And for the flowers. And the wine. I…” I look up. “And for the poems.” My lips quiver into a smile. “No poem with these?”

“I kind of ran out of creativity.” He rubs the back of his neck, his forehead wrinkled. “How about this? Roses are red, violets are blue. I’m an asshole.”

I choke on a laugh. “Oh, Josh.”

His smile is wry. “Can we talk?”

My inhale is shaky. “Okay.”

He unzips his jacket and drapes it over the back of a stool.

“I’m here to apologize,” he says right away. “I was an asshole on Saturday night. I’m sorry I said what I said to you, about it not being your business whether Easton and I talk.”

I shake my head. “No, you were right.”

“No, I wasn’t.” His tone becomes more forceful. “Itisyour business. Because…” He stops and takes a long pull of air in through his nose, not looking at me.

I tuck my hair behind my ear, waiting uncertainly.

“It’s your business because I care about you. And I care about what you think. And I feel like you’remybusiness…” He winces. “This doesn’t sound right.”

I think I know what he’s saying. I think…I hope…

“I shouldn’t have interfered,” I say quietly. “I…I care too, Josh. I wanted you to be happy. And I thought fixing things with Easton would help you.”

“And you were right.” He gnaws on his lip.

“But I should have talked to you about it first. Iknowyou don’t like things sprung on you. I tried to bring it up a few times, but you hadn’t even told me about Easton, so it was hard. And then we had that chance to get you two together…”

He rolls his eyes. “I probably wouldn’t have listened if you’d tried to talk to me. Because I’m an idiot.”

I cover his big hand with mine. “You’re not an idiot.”

“I have been. About a bunch of stuff.” He drops his gaze to our hands, turns his, and curls his fingers around mine.

“I wanted things set right but I wasn’t willing to take the risk and be vulnerable to make it happen. I think deep down inside I knew I was going to have to confront some painful truths about myself. I felt like I wasn’t worth loving because my friends didn’t even care enough to be there for me when I was at my lowest, but the truth is…I wasn’t there for them either. I’m ashamed.”

My eyes widen. “Oh, Josh. Is that what Easton told you?”

“Yeah.”

I press my hand to my hurting heart.

“He was right, though,” Josh adds quickly. “Totally. But…he did apologize. We both had valid reasons for not being able to help each other…both going through our own shit…but we both could have made more of an effort. It shouldn’t have taken this long.”

I nod slowly. “Do you think you two can be friends again?”

“I don’t know. But all I can do is try to be a friend to him. A better friend than I have been.”

My lungs expand and I can’t breathe for a few seconds. “Oh.”

“And…” He meets my eyes. “I want to try to be a better man for you too.”

I blink rapidly, my eyes prickling as I stare back at him.

“I was afraid. I’ve been afraid for a long time…that’s why I don’t like surprises. I like knowing what’s going to happen. You…were a surprise.”

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