Page 103 of In It to Win It

“Oh, that sounds wonderful. Next time you come, you can tell me about it.”

“If he brings it,” Mrs. Estevez adds.

“I have to be good,” Sophia agrees.

“I won’t see you for a while. I hope you have a wonderful Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Taylor,” Sophia says, giving my cheek a smacking kiss.

My heart swells and I give her a squeeze before setting her down. Warmth spreads through my chest, a feeling of satisfaction and affection. We don’t always have positive outcomes, so I take the ones I do have and enjoy the hell out of them.

I leave the office a bit late but with a sense of satisfaction.

I text JP to tell him I’m on my way home. He probably slept all day after the road trip, but hopefully he’s up for going out for dinner or something. Or we could just stay in and make something together. I haven’t seen him since they left on Thursday, and I miss him.

I’ve missed him so much.

The last few weeks have been amazing. When I’m with JP, I’m plunging into a chasm of emotions. I like so many things about him. He makes me feel so many things. I want to be there for him when he’s hurting and laugh with him when something’s funny. When I’m not with him, I’m thinking about him, reliving sexy times with him, worrying about him . . . missing him.

Gah! I can’t fall into this trap. It’s all a big hoax—love. I’ve learned that. I want nothing to do with that.

Sure, things are great now. At least, I think they are. But I thought things were great for my parents, forthirty-two years.Still, these feelings inside me keep getting bigger and stronger, and I don’t seem to be able to stop them. I’m trying. But, damn, I’m so happy with him.

I miss him when he’s away, but I’m trying not to. I have a full life—friends, career, family (although it’s messed up), and Byron. I have yoga and my book club and walks on the beach. I’m not sitting around crying because he’s on a road trip.

I get JP’s reply to my text when I’m home, saying that he’ll come over in a while.

I tap my response.

Okay.

Then I move over to my little Christmas tree in the corner, the one JP helped me pick out and decorate, to turn on the lights. It’s small, but I love how it sparkles. Then I change into leggings and a sweater. I still have gifts to wrap, for Amy and Jeff and the kids, for Dad, and for JP.

I picked up gift bags and wrapping paper at the dollar store on the weekend, so I start some Christmas music on Spotify. Sitting in the middle of my living room floor, I set about wrapping, starting with JP’s gifts so they’re done before he gets here. Contentment settles inside me, here in my own place, wrapping gifts, with sparkling lights in front of me, Christmas melodies and the scent of the little pine tree filling the air. It will be a different Christmas this year, but that’s okay.

Maybe I should bake cookies. Then I laugh out loud. That’s getting carried away. I probably don’t even have the ingredients I’d need to make cookies.

I arrange the gifts under the tree, then head to the kitchen to inspect the cupboards. Eep. Pretty empty. Since I was at JP’s all weekend, I didn’t shop for my own groceries. But I’ve got a box of penne pasta and a can of tomatoes, so along with a few other ingredients I put together an easy pasta sauce.

I sit down and watch the news, waiting for JP. A volcano is erupting in Hawaii. There was a shooting in Encino. The California Highway Patrol is doing a bang-up job of arresting drunk drivers over the holiday season.

JP and I talked about that the other night. Drunk driving, I mean. When we were out at a Christmas party one of his teammates had, he would only have a couple of drinks even though others were pushing him to have more. I love that he’s responsible that way. I told him the next time we go to a party, I’ll be the designated driver.

Finally the buzzer sounds. It’s JP and I let him in the front door of the building, then open my apartment door for him. My belly flutters with excitement. When I see him, my heart leaps and my whole body hungers for his touch. A smile breaks across my face. “Hi.” I step into him and throw my arms over his shoulders. He smells so good. I press my nose to the side of his neck and breathe him in. I love the feel of his big body against mine.

He pulls me up against him, squeezing the air out of me.

“Hey! Need to breathe, here.”

“Sorry.” He loosens his grip and gives me a wry smile before swooping down to kiss me.

“You must have missed me.” I lay my palm on his cheek and smile back at him, my body buzzing with joy and lust.

“So damn much.”

“Come in.” I slide my hand into his big one and swing the door closed behind us. “Are you hungry? Did you eat?”

“Yeah, I could eat something.”

---