Page 2 of Spit Screen

“No. You’ll outlive her for sure.”

Emma laughs genuinely, even as her tears continue to fall. “Addy.”

I sigh, the weight of reality pressing on my chest. “I realize I’m a lot like my dad,” I admit. “And there’s no point in me telling you I would be fine if I lost you. We both know it would shatter me. But I promise, Em, I will always care for our kids. You never need to worry about that. Okay? I know you would do the same thing. No matter how much I might want to pack it in and let my grief consume me, I willneverlet the kids drownin my sadness. I promise,” I say as I continue to brush away Emma’s tears.

“Thank you,” she says.

“You don’t need to thank me. You’re the strong one in our marriage.”

“That’s not true,” Emma says. “I don’t feel particularly strong right now.”

“I know, but you are. I’d worry if you didn’t feel a little anxiety before having surgery. For the record, Ibelieveyou’re destined for a long life. I don’t have any illusions about your mortality—or mine. That’s why this has been hard for me.”

“I know.”

“There’s something else bothering you. Do you want to tell me what youdon’twant to tell me?” I ask.

Emma sighs. “It’s not like I expected us to have any more children. I just?—”

“Don’t like having the option taken away from you?”

Emma nods.

“Em, being a mom is the biggest part of you.”

“You’re the biggest part of me,” she says.

I grin and shake my head. “No. I know how much you love me. Being a mom is the center of your world, Em. It makes me love you even more.” I step back and hold out my hand. “Now, come to bed and let me hold you.”

“Addy?”

“Hm?”

“I wouldn’t be anyone’s mom without you.”

I decide not to argue with Emma’s perspective. If we had never collided, she would have found someone else to build a life with and have children. I am as sure of that as I am confident of my love for her. It wouldn’t be the same family we’ve created together. And without Emma, I doubt I would ever become a mother. Maybe I would have found someone to share my lifewith, but building a family? No matter what my friends may think, having a family is something I don’t think I could do with anyone else. As we reach the bed, I pull back the covers and guide Emma to lie down. As soon as I join her under the sheets, she falls into my embrace.

“Rest,” I say.

“Addy?”

“Hm?”

Emma props herself up on an elbow to look at me. “I love you more than anything in this world,” she says.

I kiss Emma’s head, hold her close, and say a silent prayer everything will be all right. “I love you, too.”

That was six months ago. Sometimes, it feels like yesterday, and other times, it feels like light years in the past. Thankfully, Emma recovered fully and quickly from surgery. The experience has stayed with her, though. It’s made her think aboutlife.If I had to guess, she’s contemplating what she wants from life in the future. Emma has always accepted the reality that she has a public persona, but she also strives to maintain as much privacy for our family as possible. It’s one reason we decided to move to Kansas. When we built our house, we committed to staying here while the kids were in school. If we did that, it would mean we would be here another fifteen years. Sometimes, things change. I sense a shift in Emma. There’s nothing like a health crisis to make you feel your mortality. I think Emma is ready to take on a new project. She’s accepted a few roles over the last few years—never a lead role or a series. Her roots are in television, and I know she misses it—walking onto a set each morning. But Emmais reluctant to tell me what’s on her mind. That means the ball has landed squarely in my court.

When I walk into the kitchen, Emma is sitting at the table reading a book while Noah and Hannah finish their lunch.

“Hey,” Emma says. “I thought you were working in your office?”

“I need a break.”

Emma’s gaze narrows, and I force myself not to laugh. She’s always been able to read me—as well as she can the book in her hands.

Hannah looks up at me. “Momma?”

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