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“Well, Candace would tell you that managing world leaders and politicians requires setting clear expectations and boundaries.”

“Hardly the same.”

“You don’t think so?” I ask.

“No. I don’t.”

“Interesting,” I say.

“I don’t think motherhood and commanding the world’s largest economy and military are similar,” Ivey says. “I love my mother. I don’t think her dinnertime expectations qualify her to lead a nation.”

I shrug.

“You disagree,” he chimes.

“I think knowing how to manage different personalities and help them negotiate through conflicts determines any leader’s success.”

“And you believe solving an argument over a toy or a dinner table squabble compares to dealing with dictators and legislators? You need more than compassion.”

“You do. It requires determination and confidence. Squabbles are squabbles, Mr. Ivey. Everyone thinks their motivations are justified. It makes negotiation tricky. It also makes accountability difficult. I wouldn’t underestimate how managing the personalities and disagreements in a family strengthens the skill to navigate politics,” I tell him.

He’s ready to pounce. I continue before he has the chance.

“Candace was a lawyer, congresswoman, senator, and governor before she sought the presidency. She has more collective experience than nearly anyone who’s held the job. Parenthood is part of her experience. I’m not sure what you hope I’ll say. No. I don’t agree with every decision Candace makes—not as a parent or the president. One thing people should value about their president is the ability to allow for respectful disagreement. I also know Candace doesn’t arrive at decisions without careful consideration. She cares about outcomes, Mr. Ivey.”

“Love conquers all? Even the White House?” he asks sarcastically.

“I’d like to believe it can. Ego tends to get in the way,” I say. “No. Love doesn’t conquer every problem. That would be ideal. You asked me about my career.”

“I did. I think most people would struggle to place their ambitions aside indefinitely.”

“Maybe some people would. Do you know what I did before Candace became the president?”

“Of course. You ran a successful architectural firm.”

“I built it,” I correct him. “From the ground up—just like the plans I design for buildings. I learned a bit about dealing withconflict and managing expectations along the way. Do you know why I love architecture?”

“Tell me.”

“People marvel at the artistry of buildings. They enjoy the intricacies and ornate features of buildings. Ancient wonders and modern marvels,” I explain.

He appears bewildered, wondering where I am directing our conversation.

“I enjoy the artistry of structures, too. It’s one reason I was attracted to architecture.”

“One reason?” he probes.

“It’s no secret I spent a lot of time with my dad on construction projects. I loved to watch a project come together from the ground up. Finesse crumbles without support,Mr. Ivey. Any structure that hopes to bear the weight of time starts with a solid foundation.”

“I’m sure you have a point,” Ivey interjects.

“I do. Most people look at Candace’s finesse. Do you know what I mean by that? They judge her on her speeches and appearance. That’s the finesse. What she possesses is a solid foundation. She knows who she is and what she believes. Just like the buildings I design, she weathers strain and pressure because she has that foundation, and she also hassupport.

“I’ve walked through many homes with my dad. The owner had a great idea about knocking out walls for more space or better aesthetics. And many of thoseideaswere great. But after you build a foundation, you need to reinforce it with support. If you destroy part of something, you have to ensure it’s not critical to the overall structure.”

He’s glassy-eyed. Candace has taught me many things beyond an appreciation for scripture. She’s the master. I’m still a student. But I’ve always been a quick study. I smile.

“Family is foundational for Candace and me,” I tell him. “Is it hard for me to set aside my work? Sure. My familyismy home. And my marriage is the foundation. I admire what Candace has accomplished. Sometimes, it frustrates me. Not the time that it demands of her. The toll it takes, and the way people question her motives. I don’t know what you hope to discover today. I don’t have any secrets for you to uncover. I’m just someone who is lucky enough to have found the love of my life. It took me longer than some. I can’t change what you think aboutlesbiansin the White House or how you view Candace as your president. She sacrifices more than anyone realizes to serve in that role. She gives it everything she has—that much, I can assure you. You don’t have to like her or me. You don’t have to accept or understand our life.

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