Page 164 of Before Dawn

Warning

The following chapter contains heavy mentions of mental health/physical health issues. Please refer to the content warning list to be reminded of any potential triggers. Your well-being is important to me, so please take care of yourself while reading.

Chapter Thirty-seven

Abigail-Ann

“There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart.”

~ Jane Austen

The night I met Joshua’s parents, I was seventeen and stupidly in love. I thought it mattered that he picked me up from classes every day, that he held my hand in the halls, that he called me ‘his girl’ like the title meant something.

But then I walked into their house.

His mother barely looked up from her phone before her eyes landed on my hair, her lips twisting in disapproval. “Red hair. So bright and untamed. It’s not dyed, is it?”

“It is dyed, ma’am,” I said, my voice small, shoulders shrinking under her stare.

Joshua had smiled nervously beside me, like he wasn’t sure if he should laugh or agree. His father was worse—his sharp glance slid down to the floral sundress I’d picked out because Joshua loved it.

“Girls these days don’t believe in modesty, do they?” he said.

My face burned as his mom chimed in, “It’s a bit much, isn’t it? Showing that much skin. Not exactly ladylike.”

I shot a glance at Joshua, hoping he’d say something. Hoping he’d defend me. But all he did was shrug. “I told her it might be too short.”

The room felt like it was spinning.

“She’s got potential, though,” his mom said, like I was some kind of project she could fix. “Maybe tone down the bold choices. The hair, the clothes. It’s a bit distracting.”

I bit my tongue so hard I tasted blood. They didn’t know who I was. They didn’t want to know.

And neither did Joshua, apparently.

That night, I cried into my pillow while Joshua’s silence echoed louder than their words ever could.

I blinked away the memory, my eyes fixed on the neutral walls of Dr. Green’s office. The soft tick of a clock somewhere behind me, and the perfectly arranged couch I was perched on felt too perfect,too quiet.

“I don’t know why meeting Mikkel’s parents freaks me out,” I blurted. My hands twisted in my lap as I avoided Dr. Green’s gaze. “I’ve talked to them on the phone a few times, and they seem great.”

“But?” she asked gently, her pen poised over her notebook.

I let out a shaky breath. “I’m terrified.”

The words felt too loud in the quiet room.

Dr. Green didn’t rush me or fill the silence, which only made my chest tighten even more.

“It’s just…I’ve been here before,” I finally admitted. “Meeting the parents, hoping they’ll like me, only to feel like I’m not good enough. Like I’ll never be good enough. And what if…” I trail off, unable to finish the thought.

“Things go the way it did withJoshua?”

I flinched, even though I brought it up. “Yeah.”

“Abigail.” Dr. Green’s voice was gentle but firm. “You’ve shared a lot about your relationship with Joshua—how it shaped the way you see yourself and still influences your expectations. And we’ve also talked about Mikkel. From everything you’ve told me, he’s shown you, through his actions, that he’s different in many ways.”

I nodded because she was right. Iknewshe was right. Mikkel wasn’t Joshua. But sometimes, my past felt too heavy to shake.

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