Page 166 of Before Dawn

“How are you and Dillon handling the pregnancy?” I asked, changing the subject gently.

She chuckled. “Dillon’s at a whole different level of excitement and protectiveness. He’s been unstoppable. He upgraded our mattress and pillows to ones he found to be better for pregnant women and won’t let me lift a finger, which I’m perfectly fine with.”

“I’m glad you have him. I’ve never seen you happier.”

She nodded, her eyes soft. “I’ve never seen me happier either, but enough about me. How are you? How’s everything with Mikkel?”

“It’s good,” I said quickly, then sighed. “I’m nervous about meeting his parents. You know how that went the last time.”

Azzy frowned, reaching over to squeeze my hand. “It’s understandable to feel this way, because no matter what happens, the past will resurface. I know you’re in your head, thinking you’re a bad person for letting this affect you, even though you’ve moved on. But no matter how much time has passed, certain events will trigger emotions and thoughts, pulling you back to that moment, even if just for a second. Just take it one step at a time. You’ll get through this, and if you need me, I’m here.”

I let out a quiet laugh, shaking my head. “You really do know me so well.”

Azzy smiled, then moved to pull me into a tight hug. “Almost two decades of friendship, Abi. We’re basically married.”

I was truly blessed to have a best friend like her. Even if we didn’t talk every day or got caught up in our own lives, we were always there for each other when it mattered most, and our bond never changed.

We talked a bit longer, but I could feel my anxiety starting to creep up again. “I’m gonna head out,” I said with a sigh. “I’m really tired.”

Her face softened, and she wrapped me in a tight hug. “Take care, Abi. You know I’m always here for you.”

“Thanks, Azzy,” I whispered, returning the hug. “I’m here for you, too.”

With a final wave, I headed home. A quick shower did little to wash away the lingering unease, so I grabbedThe Gifts of Imperfectionand my peach weighted blanket before settling into bed. As I flipped through the pages, I marveled at the notes Mikkel had left in the margins.

It still amazed me how far he’d gone to support my mental health—twenty weighted blankets, a mood-switch octopus, and fully annotated self-help books.

I skimmed a page where he had written:You’re enough just as you are. You don’t need to prove anything to anyone.

Another note read:You are not a failure because you struggle. You are a success because you keep going.

My phone buzzed with a FaceTime call from Mikkel.

Perfect timing.

“Hey,” he said, his voice soothing. “Someone’s coming in the next hour to bring dinner for you.”

I just realized I hadn’t eaten all day. “Thank you for always thinking of me.”

“You never have to thank me for that,” he replied, adjusting his glasses. “What’s wrong?”

“Hm?”

“You’re wrapped in your weighted blanket which means you’re anxious,” he pointed out. “What’s wrong,amor? Was it something that happened in therapy?”

I sighed. “I feel like I’m suffocating.”

“We’ll work through this together,” he said gently. “Put your feet flat on the floor and take a deep breath with me.” I did as he suggested, closing my eyes and breathing in time with him.

“Good, keep going,” he encouraged as we continued for about seven minutes, but the feeling never left, if anything, it got worse.

I let out a shaky breath. “I don’t know, Mikkel. I just… feel off.”

He listened patiently, his tone calm. “That’s okay. It’s okay to feel off because you’re human. It also doesn’t make you any less of a person. What’s going through your mind, Red?”

I hesitated, not wanting to burden him. “Just the usual stuff. Old habits, old fears.”

“I understand,” he said softly. “But remember, we’re breaking those old patterns together. You’re not and you never were defined by them, baby.”

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