Page 84 of Summer Reading

I shook my head. No. I liked Ben, more than liked him, and I wanted to be with him for as long as I could. When the day came that we went our separate ways at the end of the summer, as he returned to his university library and I, hopefully, found gainful employment again, that would be the natural end.

For now, I would enjoy Ben while we were together and hope that at the end of it we could remain friends, because I couldn’t see a future for a guy whose happyplace was wordy academia and a girl who struggled to read, no matter how much I loved listening to him. The cookbook project and shared reading would eventually get old for him, and I wanted us to part before he looked at me as a burden, because eventually guys always did.

It was noon when Ben called.

I picked up right away. Newly resolved to enjoy him for as long as our time together lasted, I was eager to hear his voice.

“Hey, you,” I said.

“Hey.” He sounded tense.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Is everything okay?” He cleared his throat. “I mean, you haven’t texted me back, so I was just wondering.”

I felt my panic press against the inside of my skin as if it could leak out my pores in a flop sweat. What was I supposed to say? The truth? Ack! No, no, no. I desperately didn’t want Ben to know I’d been wrestling my inner self-esteem demon all morning. Why hadn’t I just sent the man a thumbs-up emoji? Honestly, I had to acknowledge that, like Em with her bout of hypochondria, I sometimes made my life way more difficult than it needed to be.

“I... um... I...” I stammered. Honestly, it was almost like I wastryingto come across as slow-witted.

“You know, if you don’t want to get together tomorrow night, that’s okay,” he said. His tone was gentle.

“No, it’s not that,” I said. “I just...”

“Talk to me, Samwise,” he said.

I laughed. I felt anything but wise, and the irony of the nickname struck me as funny in a sad sort of way. I opened my mouth to remind him of my reading issues but I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t trot it out there again. It already colored so much of our time together.

“I’m actually elbow deep in minced peppers,” I said. “Any chance we could talk later when I pick up Tyler from camp?”

“Sure. I’ll be here,” he said. He sounded wary.

“Okay, I’ll see you later then.” I totally sounded like I was blowing him off. This was so bad. I knew it was my pride and I just needed to remind him about my dyslexia, but I simply couldn’t make myself do it.

“Okay.” He sounded bewildered in one of those “what the hell just happened?” voices that guys use when women confound them.

I ended the call and went back to work, chopping the red peppers, my plastic-glove-covered palms sweating as I lifted the cutting board and scraped them into the large pot on the stove. I was adding ingredients, stirring until the marinade was bubbling in a low boil, when the doorbell rang.

“Just a second!” I yelled. I wondered if it was Em.Maybe she’d sorted her feelings and wanted to talk. That would be a nice distraction from my own relationship angst. I stripped off my gloves and threw them in the trash, then I put the lid on the pot and set the timer.

The kitchen looked like a small typhoon had hit but I forced myself to ignore it for the moment and hurried to open the door.

“Sorry, I was—” My words caught in my throat. Standing in the doorway in a dress shirt and khakis was Ben, clutching a big bouquet of bright yellow coreopsis and daisies, some of which still had their roots attached. I wondered whose yard he’d pilfered them from, and the idea of him doing this for me made me want to laugh and cry in equal measure, so naturally, I just stood there blinking at him.

“I am a fucking idiot,” he said. “Forgive me?”

I looked from the flowers to him and back. “Huh?”

“Like an insensitive a-hole, I sent you a text—a text!—and not even one text. There were like ten with messages with links and whatnot. The string was practically long enough to be from theEpic Cycle.” He shook his head. “Forgive me, Samwise?”

This man. Would he ever stop surprising me? I’d been wrong about him. Maybe he’d forgotten for a beat, but right now in this moment he made me feel seen and understood for the first time in my life, and it was everything.

I couldn’t help myself. I took the flowers in one hand and then I jumped on him. “Yes, I forgive you.”

He staggered back a step at the surprise attack but rallied as I twined my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. I planted my mouth on his as he cupped my bottom with one hand and wrapped an arm around my back, holding me against him while I kissed him with all of the desperate longing that I felt.

His mouth yielded beneath mine, his lips parting to allow me entry. I deepened the kiss, trying to show him how much I had come to care for him without having to say the words. I ran my lips down the side of his throat and bit him gently on the curve of his shoulder.

I heard him kick the door shut behind him before he strode farther into the room.

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