Page 40 of I Can't Even

“Yeah, sweetie, we get it,” Soph said. “It’s just that you’ve been there for a few years, and you don’t want to lose your benefits.”

“It’ll be fine,” Em said.

I hadn’t told Soph my suspicions about Em being in love with her boss. Probably it was for the best that she was taking extra time to herself. Maybe the distance would help her gain some perspective on him as well as losing Babs.

Em pushed out of her seat, scraping her chair against the tile floor, and then brought her bowl to the sink. She was still studying her phone but paused in the doorway to face us.

“Jules, if I were you, I’d find out who this woman is that Liam is dating,” she said. “Then you can figure out if the relationship is as serious as he said or if he was just trying to throw you off; either way you’ll have a better idea of how to proceed with your stalking.”

I blinked as I took in her rather savvy advice.

“That makes sense,” I said. “Thanks.”

“No prob.” Em turned and left the kitchen, leaving Soph and I puzzling after her.

“Okay, what are we doing about that?” I pointed with my thumb in the direction of the doorway.

“Nothing,” Soph said. “At least, nothing yet. She’s grieving and we all do that in different ways.”

There was something in her tone. I looked at her and saw her frowning at me.

“What?” I gave her a side eye.

“Jules, do you think maybe you’re using Liam to run away from the bombshell Mr. Loren dropped on you? I mean shouldn’t you be dealing with the fact that our parents hid the truth of your parentage from you? That you have a birth mother out there who may very much want to meet you?” Soph asked.

“Well, that was blunt.”

“Sorry, but it’s been several days and you’re not talking about any of it. Instead, you’re off chasing your old high school flame.” Soph shrugged. “It just seems so frantic, as if you’re trying to distance yourself with something else, something all consuming, like the boyfriend you never got closure with.”

I stared at her. Did I like what I was hearing? No. Was it something I’d already thought of myself? Yes. Did I care enough to change my behavior? No.

“You’re probably right,” I said. “I know I’m not dealing with my new reality very well.” I was quiet for a moment. “You know what I keep thinking?”

Soph shook her head. She cradled her coffee in her hands as if she knew a cold wind was coming and she’d need the warmth.

“Babs took everything from me—my real mother and Liam, too. I hate her for that.”

“I know,” Soph said. “You have every right. What she did the night you left. I can’t...” She shook her head as she placed her hand on mine. “I hope you know you have us, me and Em. She could never take us from you. Ever.”

My stubborn streak pushed the tears back. I was so over crying. “Thanks,” I said. “As for the Liam thing? Maybe getting him back is so important to me because then it’s one less thing Babs stole. I didn’t expect to still feel this much for him, not after all these years. We only get one shot at this thing called life, and I’ve already made a mess of it, Soph. I really don’t want to walk away from something this good, not again, not when I know for sure that he’s the one for me.”

The look in her eyes was full of sympathy tinged with sadness, and her voice when she spoke was so soft I had to strain to hear her. “But are you the one for him?”

Ouch! I had thought of that, too, and rejected it. Leave it to big sister to toss it out there in the open. The only answer was an honest one.

“I don’t know,” I said. “But if I don’t try, I’ll always wonder.”

She stared at me for a long moment. “You really are the bravest woman I know.”

I laughed. Maybe. But I suspected it had more to do with an overabundance of bullheadedness in my DNA. I wondered if I got that from my real mom. It seemed unlikely, otherwise, why would she have given me away? I shook off the thought.

“Whatever happens, I’ll be fine.” Big fib. “The bigger concern is Em. What are we going to do about her?”

“We need to give her time. We all need time.”

“Time or a slap upside the head?” I asked. Soph gave me an unamused look and I sighed, “Fine. We’ll give her time.”

I decided the boots were too obvious to begin my campaign with and that it was better to ease Liam into the reality that I wasn’t going away. I figured my best move was to go back to where it all began. I dug out my old surfboard from the shed behind the house and cleaned it up. I mounted it on the side holder on my old beach cruiser

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