Page 46 of I Can't Even

Em did not reappear and join us. Soph and I agreed it was probably for the best. As much as I wanted to pretend her words hadn’t hurt, they had. Every time I heard her voice in my head, it was like pressing on a bruise. I suppose it smarted so much because she’d said exactly what I’d been thinking. Did I belong here in Babs’s house anymore? I mean, if I wasn’t Babs’s rebellious daughter, who the hell was I? I didn’t know.

Southern California weather in May is fairly consistent, much like the rest of the year, and the temps are usually in the high seventies with the occasional spike into the low eighties. When we had a solid eighty-two-degree day, I upped my game, sauntering out into the front yard in the tiniest bikini I could find at the surf shop in town.

School was still in session, so I assumed I was safe from the “birdwatchers” but even better Liam was doing yard work in his front lawn. Shirtless. I figured it was only fair that I read my book, a romance novel set in Maine with a really cute dog in it, while taking in some rays and slyly ogling the boy next door, who was doing his best to ignore me.

Liam ran the mower back and forth across the grass, then he edged the walkway, the garden beds, and along the driveway, all the while never looking at me. Fine. I’d do all the watching. I appreciated that his board shorts hung low on his hips and a fine sheen of sweat coated his upper body.

I fanned myself with my book. I was pretty sure the weatherman had lied. It certainly felt a heck of a lot warmer than eighty-two degrees. I put my book away and grabbed my iced tea. I fished an ice cube out. It dripped on my chest and I smoothed the water over my skin in an effort to keep from overheating. I popped the ice cube in my mouth, hoping to cool myself off from the inside out.

As if it wasn’t hot enough, I was abruptly aware of the heat of Liam’s stare. I glanced out of the corner of my eye to see him standing there with his hose in hand—the gardening one to be clear—watering the shrubs that ran along the short wall between our yards.

This was my moment. I turned my head in his direction with every intention of lowering my sunglasses and giving him my best “come here, big boy” look, but in that moment a car backfired on the street, causing Liam to jump and jerk the hose, which sent an arch of icy cold water splashing down on me.

I yelped and leapt from my chair. Yes, I wanted to be cooled off, but that shit was freezing! I clutched my middle with my arms as the water dripped off of me.

“Oh, sorry!” Liam called.

Then he got a wicked, wicked glint in his eye and he sent another steam of water in my direction, soaking me from top to bottom.

“Oops!” he shouted. “My bad!”

“You did that on purpose!” I cried.

“What?” He cupped a hand to his ear as if he couldn’t hear me over the sound of the running water.

Argh! He blasted me again, leaving me no choice but to snatch up my things and make a run for it. When I was out of range, I glanced back to find him, once again, doubled up with laughter at my expense.

I slammed into the house, furious. Then I glanced out the window and watched him laugh. Despite the puddle that I was dripping onto the floor, I loved the sight of him cracking up with genuine humor even if I was the cause.

Maybe the sultry siren was the wrong tack to take; one of the best parts of our youthful relationship was the amount of laughter we shared. When the world was dark or scary or just too much, we could always make each other laugh. God, I missed that.

Right now, the only place Liam and I seemed able to communicate was on our boards while surfing. For me, the mid-day jaunts had become so much more than an opportunity to stalk him. I felt as if I was getting a part of myself back, the best part.

Ten and I got reacquainted, and I began a friendship with Ruby. Now that she’d seen me surf a few times, her cool reserve was more a steady chill and I realized that was just how she rolled.

But curiosity about Liam’s girlfriend began to eat at me. I really wanted to know who she was, especially since I never ever saw her around his house. Weird, right?

Figuring the coffee shop was my best shot at a chance to see her, I started to pop into Liam’s for a java-boosted hour or two while doing my web design work every few days. I figured even if I didn’t see the girlfriend, maybe I would hear something about her.

Now why did the “g” word taste as bitter as a dark roast espresso on my tongue? Oh, yeah, because I was jealous as hell, that’s why.

Several days passed but there was no sign of her, and I wondered if maybe Liam really had invented her to keep me away. As I warmed to my theory, it occurred to me that I should probably verify it. Who better to know Liam’s actual status than his counter help?

“Hi, Jules,” Rachel greeted me as I arrived late in the afternoon. She tossed her blue braid over her shoulder, which was the same shade as her eyes, and turned to face me so I could fully admire her nose ring.

Yes, most of the staff knew me by name now, possibly from the day I had chased Liam into his office when he grabbed my laptop, but also because I am a very pleasant person, very low maintenance, and an excellent tipper.

“Same as this morning?” she asked.

Okay, so sometimes I stopped in twice a day. Sue me.

“Yes, please,” I said.

Lately, I’d been hooked on the flat white and I waited eagerly while she called it out to be prepped. I glanced around the shop and noticed that I had hit the afternoon lull. I figured now was as good a time as any to do some prying.

“So, Rachel,” I said. “Have you been working here long?”

“A year and a half,” she said.

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