Page 77 of I Can't Even

We didn’t need him to spell it out.

“I started transitioning the minute we got to New York,” Jessie said.

“So, you’re a...” Liam gestured wildly at her.

“A woman?” Jess asked helpfully. “Yes.”

“But I thought—” He glanced between us. The hurt in his eyes made me wince.

“Liam, I’m sorry,” I said. “Jessie and I were never that. We’re friends.”

“Best friends,” Jessie said.

It was the wrong thing to say. Fury rose up in Liam like I had never seen before. A vein throbbed in his temple and he looked like he wanted to hit something or someone.

“You were my friends,” he snapped. Liam looked at us with such anguish, I thought I might get sick. “You were my best friends. Do you have any idea how I felt when you two disappeared? My best friend and my girl. It fucking destroyed me.”

“I’m sorry,” Jessie said. “We never wanted to hurt you.”

Liam laughed but there was no amusement in the sound. “Never wanted to hurt me? I wanted to die that summer. I even tried to kill myself on Devil’s Backbone a time or two.”

Jessie blanched. It was as bad as Ten had said, but I knew it would have been worse if I had stayed. Babs had made sure of that. It was time to tell Liam the whole truth.

“Liam—” I began but he cut me off.

“No,” he said. “I don’t want to hear it. There’s nothing you can say to me to make this okay. Do you know how many nights I spent picturing you two together, feeling like a tool, hating you both but still loving you, too?” He looked at Jessie. “You were my best friend! Did you really think this would have changed anything between us?”

A tear streaked down Jessie’s cheek. She reached for him but drew her hand back. “I couldn’t do it anymore. Don’t you understand, Liam? It was killing me.”

Liam sucked in a breath and stared at her. He shook his head and buried his fingers in his hair. “You should have told me.”

Jessie nodded. Liam was right. We all knew it, but we’d been young adults navigating stuff that was bigger than us when this went down. Then he turned on me. He dropped his hands from his hair and took a step toward me. Frustration poured off him in waves of heat. “And you, you left me without a word. No note. No explanation. Nothing.”

There it was. The hurt he’d been pushing down, down, down, until Jessie’s appearance ripped the lid off his pain and anger.

“You broke my god damn heart,” he said.

“Liam—” Now I was crying, too. There was so much I needed to tell him.

“Save it,” he growled. “You know what? I can’t do this. I thought I could, but I can’t. Keep your secrets and your bullshit and stay out of my life, both of you.”

He turned and stormed away, leaving wreckage in his wake, which was only fair as I’m sure that’s what we’d done to him all those years ago.

Jessie and I went back into the house. I took a tissue and handed her the box.

“This is a mess, isn’t it?” she asked.

“A bit,” I said. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.” She shrugged as she dabbed her eyes.

“Are you still in love with him?” I could feel my shoulders rise up to my ears. I didn’t want Jessie to be in love with Liam in that way. I knew it was selfish, but I wanted Liam all to myself, and I wanted Jessie to be okay with it, so I didn’t lose her friendship, too.

“Nah.” She waved her tissue in the direction of the door. “He was a crush. An intense first love crush, but I think he’s a bit too manly man for me. I mean, he’s totally hot, but I’m much more into the suave and debonair type these days.”

“A metrosexual like Dante?” I clarified.

“Yeah, I’m so in love with him, Jules,” Jess said. “Otherwise, I’d be happy to lie to my parents until my dying day.”

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