Page 80 of I Can't Even

I told her I chose Liam. It was a major mistake. Made with the brash impetuousness of youth. My mother upped the ante. She looked at her hand and noted that her diamond ring was missing. She then tapped her index finger to her lips and said that she bet Liam stole it and it was a shame she was going to have to call the police on him.

In that moment, staring into the light blue eyes that I had thought were so like my own, I realized she had me. She’d shoved Liam’s backpack at him when she’d tossed him out, and I knew without a doubt that she’d taken the opportunity to plant her ring in his bag. I was stunned. She was willing to sacrifice her most prized possession, a ring with three individually cut one carat flawless diamonds, each one given to her by my dad on the day she birthed each of their daughters, or in my case bought a daughter, to send an innocent boy to jail all to beat me at this power game we were locked in.

“Tell me again what you choose,” she demanded. “A life full of opportunity in New York, or a crap existence being married to a boy with a criminal record, who you will grow to hate by the time you’re twenty-five after you have pushed out his three, four, or five brats.”

I screamed that I hated her and that she wouldn’t get away with it, but she already had. I would never let her go after Liam like that, because she would, I knew that. Just like she knew I would do anything to protect him.

I had refused to answer her and slammed out the front door and into the night. Striding past Liam’s house, I passed Jessie sitting there parked in his Jeep. He told me he was leaving, and I began to cry. He was one of my oldest friends and suddenly it felt as if everything I had ever held dear was being ripped from my grasp.

We drove to the nearby park, and I told Jessie the whole story about Babs and me and the choice she was forcing me to make. Jessie had been my friend since grade school and knew how hard I’d worked to get into Columbia. He was also aware that my mother was not one to be fucked with; if she said she was going to have Liam arrested, she was not bluffing. He then told me he was headed to New York, and if I wanted to catch a ride, he’d be grateful for the company. I said yes.

It had been the decision of a hotheaded eighteen-year-old and I had wished a million times over the years that I had made a different one. I wished I had told Liam the truth about my mother, what she’d done, and about Jessie, and how I had never cheated on him. In fact, I didn’t date another man until my senior year at Columbia when I knew I was never moving home and any lingering feelings I had for Liam Mahony needed to be buried so deep inside of me that they suffocated. I thought I could plant them deep enough. I was wrong.

“Did you know that, Babs?” I scowled at the urn. “Did you know that Liam was the love of my life? That I would never get over him? I would never stop missing him? That I would never be complete until I was with him again? Did you?”

Not surprisingly, no answer was forthcoming. I refused to dwell on the fact that I was now having full conversations with Babs’s ashes. It had been a stressful couple of weeks culminating in this drama between Liam and Jessie. No wonder I was on edge. It was time. I had to tell Liam everything and hope that he could understand and forgive me.

“I used to believe that you were doing what you thought was best,” I said. “I really did, but the damage you caused, it’s marked my whole life, and I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for that.”

A couple tears streaked down my cheeks. I wiped them away with my hands. This was accomplishing nothing. I had to go confront Liam. I had to explain and hope that he had enough love and understanding in his heart to listen and give me one more chance. My kittens were sprawled on the divan and I paused to scratch their chins before I left.

“Wish me luck,” I told them as I shut the door behind me. I was only going next door, so I didn’t bother bringing my phone. I did not want to be disturbed by anyone or anything when I talked to Liam.

Because of the dress, I chose the long way—the sidewalk. It took a few more seconds to get to his house but I figured I needed the time to shore up my courage. He had been so angry last night. How could I blame him? If the situation was reversed, I’d have been furious, too.

“Hi, Liam, I need to talk to you,” I practiced as I walked. No, that sounded too serious. I needed to really get his attention right away. Maybe I should just whip off my dress. We seemed to communicate best on the physical plane. Would that work? Maybe. Ugh. This was when I really wished I had an advanced degree in the male brain.

I blew out a breath and walked the three short steps to the front patio and then crossed to his front door. I pressed on the bell, hearing it ring faintly inside.

No sound came from within. I checked to see that his motorcycle was in the drive. It was. Still, he didn’t answer. I stood in my dress and heels, feeling a bit like a church missionary making the rounds. Had I dressed too innocently? Would he think I was trying to play him? I debated dashing home to change before he saw me? Gah, I was a nervous wreck.

I heard footsteps coming from inside. Okay, escape was not an option. I stiffened my spine. All I had to do was explain and everything would be okay. Liam had said before he didn’t want to discuss the past—that he wanted a fresh start but that had been before Jessie showed up. We weren’t going to be able to move forward together until he listened to me. I just hoped I wasn’t too late.

The door was pulled open, and my breath caught in my throat. Liam stood there, bare-chested in just his pajama bottoms. This sight was absolutely never going to get old for me. Except for the expression on his face, the glare he leveled at me was so fierce I was surprised little fires didn’t break out all over my body. Yes, he looked that mad.

“Hi,” I said. My voice sounded weak, and I cleared my throat. “I was wondering if we could talk.”

He said nothing. His gaze raked over me, taking in the loose hair, the flowing dress, and cute shoes. Somehow, he made the look insulting. Okay, that stung.

“It doesn’t seem like you came to talk.” Liam did not sound even remotely interested in talking or anything else for that matter.

“I was hoping to remind you of better times,” I said.

“What do you want, Blumer?” Ah, so we were back to the last names. Fine.

“There are some things you don’t know,” I said. “Things that I should have told you years ago, but I was so angry and confused—”

“Who’s here, darling?” a voice, a woman’s voice, spoke from behind Liam.

I felt myself go rigid. He had a woman here? Now? My gaze darted to his. His eyes narrowed, taking in my alarm as if assessing it to see if it was genuine.

And then Courtney appeared behind him. She was wearing a silky pink robe over a matching nightie. She pressed her big busty self up against Liam’s bare back and hugged her arms around his middle, propping her chin on his shoulder as she stared at me.

What the holy hell was going on? Had they...? Had he...? I thought my head might explode or I might throw up or both.

Liam didn’t embrace her, but he didn’t push her away either. He just stood there, staring at me with the coldest eyes I had ever seen. I shivered.

“Never mind,” I said. I wasn’t sure how I choked the words out, but I did. “I can see you’re busy.”

---