Page 93 of I Can't Even

“Jules, we have a problem.”

Liam and I turned to find Soph standing in the doorway, with Dante and Jessie right behind her, looking like they were trying to see what was happening. Judging by the smile on Jessie’s face, she was a-okay with finding me clinging to Liam like a sloth hugging a tree.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

“Much as I love talking to you when you’re hanging off your boyfriend, do you think you could put your feet on the ground for a sec? We have a crisis happening,” Soph said with exasperation.

“Someone’s salty,” I said. “I thought the crisis was averted.”

Liam relaxed his hands, and I slid down his front with deep regret; make-up sex was going to have to wait.

“Paisley is now looking for Babs,” Soph said.

“Huh?”

“Mom’s urn is missing,” she explained. “It’s not in the windowsill where it’s supposed to be. You don’t have it, do you?”

“No,” I said. “She specified in the will that it was to stay in the window.”

“Yes, and it’s not there. I told Paisley you had probably taken it out to be cleaned,” Soph said.

I gave her a look. “That doesn’t even make sense.”

“Don’t criticize, I was panicking.” Soph flapped her hands at her sides. “You have to help me find it!”

Soph turned and led the way back to the main room. She pointed out the window toward our house and I saw Paisley in the yard, looking up at my bedroom window. As Paisley swung around in our direction, Soph grabbed my hand and yanked me down beneath the window ledge. My knees hit the wood floor hard, and I grunted.

“Who is that?” Dante asked.

“Our evil cousin,” I said.

“Oh, my god, she’s looking our way,” Jessie said. “What do we do?”

“Just act natural,” Soph hissed at the three of them. They all stood still like they’d been hit with a Superhero’s freeze ray. “I said act natural. Move, throw a football around, do something!”

“No ball in the house.” Liam gestured for Dante and Jessie to follow him into the kitchen. “Let’s get some coffee.” He glanced at me. “I’ll tell you when the coast is clear.”

Soph and I stayed huddled on the floor. Minutes passed. I heard the three of them talking and, be still my aching heart, actually laughing. More minutes ticked by. Good grief, how long was Paisley going to search the yard for Babs like she was an Easter egg?

I glanced up to see Liam, standing in the doorway drinking a hot cup of coffee. At that moment, I would have given my first born for a cup of coffee. The java lust must have shone in my eyes because he strolled into the room and lowered the hand with the coffee mug, all casual like, until it was right in front of me and hidden by the wall below the windowsill. I took the mug, feeling the warmth seep into my fingers just before I took a big restorative gulp. It was safe to say I had never loved this man more.

“Is she still out there?” Soph asked.

“Yep,” Liam said out of the corner of his mouth. Then he raised his hand and waved.

“Oh, my god, is she flirting with you?” I asked.

“Well, she just unbuttoned the top three buttons on her dress, and now she’s bending over,” Liam said.

“That’s it. I’m going to curb stomp her,” I said, rising to my knees. Soph grabbed my arm, holding me down.

“Later,” Soph said. “First we have to figure out where Mom is.”

“Okay, now she’s hiking up her skirt and showing me some thigh.” Liam frowned down at me. “I’m kind of scared. And for the record, she does not have your hot bod, your finesse, or your boots.”

Mollified, I drank my coffee. I turned to Soph and said, “I thought I heard someone in the house last night. You were in bed and Em was out. I was alone and I could have sworn I heard someone but when I looked no one was there.”

“My god, do you think we were robbed?”

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