Page 126 of Fearless

“No.” The word sounds so useless falling from my quivering lips. “Help!” I lift my frantic gaze toward the silent crowd. “Somebody help me! I—I need a Healer!” My screams echo through the arena, useless in the faces of those unwilling to help. “You’re Elites!” The broken shout is met with silence. “Fucking do something!”

I bite back a frustrated scream. At the Plague. At Elites. At my powerlessness.

Looking down, I brace a hand against Kai’s cheek. “You’re going to be fine, okay?”

It’s the same lie I told Adena in this very Pit.

“You’re my cocky bastard”—I force a trembling smile—“you can’t let me win.”

His gray eyes blink blearily at me. “Just… just this once.”

He laces sticky fingers between mine, his grip weak. I shake my head, chest heaving. “But I need you.” A sob racks my body. “You’re all I h-have left. You know I need you!”

It’s as though Adena is dying all over again. I’m spouting the same broken words atop the very sand that was once speckled with her blood. The same crowd is leaning in, once again watching the spectacle that is my heart splitting at the seams—a tear that Adena isn’t around to stitch back together.

Here I am, facing déjà vu and Death himself. History repeats itself in the center of this Pit as love begins its slow death in my arms. Kai’s blood coats my palms, mirroring the moment I felt Adena’s life leak into my incapable hands. The Enforcer wears a wound in his chest, just as the seamstress before him.

And if I weren’t already on my knees, I would fall to them now and beg him to stay with me. I press my forehead to his, swallowing back a sob. “I can’t lose you, too. Please… please don’t leave me.”

Kai’s body shudders beneath mine, as though shaking off Death’s cold hand to hold mine for a few moments longer. “I’m sorry. I… I wish it didn’t h-have to be this way.”

“Shh.” My tears splatter his face. “You’re okay, Kai. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” I squeeze his hand, hiding my sobs between each whispered syllable. “It’s just you and me. Under the willow.”

A smile lifts his stained lips, displaying a row of bloody teeth. And when those damn dimples come into view, I choke on the cry crawlingup my throat. Regret washes over me for every moment spent pretending I hated them—every moment spent pretending I hatedhim.

His eyes stray from mine. “See…”

I lean in, hanging on words I’ll never get to hear.

Because the light leaves those gray eyes.

“No.” The word is defiant.

“No.” This one is pleading.

“No!”

Anguish. That is what courses through me before pouring from my mouth.

I shake his unmoving chest. Again and again. “Kai. Kai, come back to me.”

I can barely breathe through my gasping sobs. His gray eyes are glassily trained on the blue sky above, but I fight to force them back on me. “No, you can’t go! You promised you wouldn’t leave me, remember?”

My forehead meets his, and I murmur the words I thought would take him away from me. It’s a confession I was too cowardly to voice—and now it will become my biggest regret.

But I whisper it now, over and over. “I love you, Kai. I love you. I love you. I love you.”

Agony.

That is this feeling. The one wrenching me in half, tearing apart my soul. But I don’t bother smothering it any longer.

Leaning back on my heels, I unleash my anguish.

It’s a chilling scream, one that can be heard even in the highest stands. I want the arena to feel my pain, taste it on the wind that carries away the soul Kai stained for me. Hot tears spill over my skin to drip atop the lifeless body of the boy I love.

Hazy and hysterical, I notice the shifting figures surrounding me for the first time. Blinking through the blur of tears, my burning eyes focuson the forgotten Sights. My head whips toward the screen, finding Kai’s empty gaze displayed there.

Whatever composure was left within me suddenly snaps.

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