Page 129 of Fearless

I watch what is left of Kai drip into the water. And for the first time in weeks, I’m not repulsed by blood—in fact, I wish to cling to his.

“How… how are you feeling?”

It’s the first shy string of words Ellie has attempted since I woke from my drugged haze. I can’t say I blame her for the prolonged silence. It’s a rather tame response to my reaction this morning.

My tone is flat. “I don’t feel anything.”

It’s not a lie. Though, I doubt I could muster the energy to tell one atthe moment. My entire body is numb—mind, soul, and shattered heart. I am utterly hollow without his love to fill me.

My scar is exposed, the bloody water lapping a soothing rhythm against it. I don’t need to look at Ellie—I can feel her wide gaze trailing over it. Even more concerning is the fact that I can’t find it within me to care.

She lifts a cloth to my ear, swiping tenderly over the dried blood that poured from it. I’m reminded then of how eerily quiet the world was when I awoke from the dizzying drug. Gone was the incessant ringing from the explosions, leaving me with nothing to drown out my screaming thoughts.

The assortment of wounds I’d collected from the Trial had vanished. Broken ribs were restored, sliced skin sewn back together, the burn on my wrist healed—but I would give anything now to have that handprint branded back onto my skin.

Nothing but the mingling of my and his blood remained.

“I’m…” I clear my throat before trying again. “I’m sorry about this morning.”

Sympathy pulls at Ellie’s delicate features.

I hate that look. It’s the same one I would see thrown around the slums, mothers saddened by the sight of a forgotten child. The fortunate disheartened by those of us sleeping on the streets. Only the weak earn this expression, the foolishly brokenhearted. And I have been that my whole life.

“You weren’t yourself,” she reassures. “I knew you would be scared when you woke up.”

I let out a bitter scoff that has her stilling. “I wasn’t scared, Ellie. I was broken.”

Because I let myself hope.

She swallows. “And now?”

My empty gaze meets her concerned one. “I’m angry.”

The king’s green eyes flash before my mind. My hands curl into fists, fingernails biting each palm. The question I shouted at him in that arena still echoes in my skull.

How could you?

With a steadying breath, I stand abruptly, suddenly unable to sit in Kai’s blood any longer. Wrapping a robe around my scrubbed skin, I turn demandingly toward Ellie. “I need to speak with the king.”

The words are far more docile than I intend to be when I see him.

Ellie straightens with a bashful turn of her lips. “You can’t leave.”

My tone is dull, expression unflinching. “Oh, I can’t?”

“The door is locked.” Another flash of sympathy. “The king has ordered that you stay here until he says otherwise.”

That smothered sorrow threatens to seep back over my numb body. The anger and betrayal I’ve buried it with will only fend off my suffering for so long. No, I need my rage, my distraction, my king to answer for what he’s done. Because without that, I am forced to face a lifeheis no longer in.

“Ellie,” I say slowly. “I need to get out of here.”

“Paedyn, I…” She chews on her lip uneasily. “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

I clear my throat, attempting to ignore the lump growing within it. “Do I at least get to eat while I’m locked in here?”

“Oh, yes, of course.” Ellie scurries to the door I desperately wish to walk through. “I’ll go get you some food from the kitchens.”

With a knock and verbal verification to the Imperials outside that she is not their prisoner, a series of locks click open. Ellie then slips from the room, allowing a sliver of the world beyond to spill inside this cozy cage. I’ve barely glimpsed the guards decorating my door before a gloved hand is slamming it shut, the thud followed by a turning of locks that makes me wince.

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