Page 156 of Fearless

My heels continue hitting the ground with a rhythmic click. “Thank you.”

“Now, as soon as you’re changed and ready, we will head out to the coaches.”

The elephant in the room stomps beside us as we continue to pretend as though we are not bound together for life. I whirl on him suddenly. “Did you want this? Despite our marriage being for Ilya, did you want this?”

My question makes him pause. “I know how Kai feels about you. So, no, I didn’t want to do this.”

“But you married me anyway.”

“And I would do so much worse for him,” he says quickly.

I swallow. Despite everything, I understand. Our marriage is for Kai as much as it is for Ilya. The Enforcer will never have to take the life of another Ordinary. He will no longer be controlled by guilt or shame. And above all, this kingdom will remain standing.

I can manage little more than a nod.

Reaching my door, I place a hand on the knob. “I lost track of time earlier, but I’ll pick something out from your mother’s jewelry box now.”

“Thank you—” A raspy cough cuts the sentiment short.

“Are you”—I spot something that looks suspiciously like blood splatter his handkerchief—“all right?”

He wipes his mouth. “I’m fine.”

“Kitt, I think you’re sick—”

“I said I’m fine, Paedyn,” he snaps, eyes suddenly wild.

I take a bewildered step back and watch the king compose himself. He clears his raw throat. Shifts into something deceivingly docile. “Thank you for your concern.”

I nod. My voice is weak. “I’ll meet you in the courtyard.”

The king is striding down the hall before I slip into my room.

I lean against the door and shut my eyes, shoving aside the tears I desperately wish to cry. My heart aches at the vivid memory of Kai standing behind those doors with a look of betrayal seeping onto his features. Then he slipped into the crowd before my trembling lips could form an apology.

I pull the crown from my head, hardly noticing when the jagged points bite into my palm. The sharp emeralds reflect my weary face back at me like a glimpse into my future. I see a life of torture beside theman I love. My husband sits on the throne, but he is not who holds my heart. No, that man stands to my left, never looking in my direction. The mask he wears has choked all emotion from his face, and without me to pull it free, he becomes a shell of the man he once was.

A gnawing numbness has begun its slow trickle over me. Ellie helps pull the extravagant wedding dress from my body, each word a congratulations, each turn of her lips a smile. I’m quickly swaddled in more white fabric, this dress lighter and softer than the last. The swishing skirt billows out from my waist and flows to just above my bare ankles. Its bodice is relatively simple, though embroidered with a tangle of beaded vines. Thin straps hug my shoulders, and white heels clutch my feet.

“You don’t want to looktoodressed up on Loot,” Ellie reassures while toying with my hair. She says this like I didn’t already know. Showing up to the poverty-stricken slums in a gown expensive enough to feed several of them for weeks would hardly make the best impression.

She steps away to examine me. “But you still look like a very elegant bride.”

“Thank you, Ellie.” I clear my tightening throat. “That will be all. I’d like a moment alone.”

Nodding her understanding, Ellie slips from the room. I sigh into the silence and wish I could hide behind these four walls indefinitely. More out of comfort than necessity, I strap my dagger to a thigh beneath the dress. This makes me feel better, having a piece of my father with me on my wedding day.

The jewelry box taunts me until I finally pad over to it. Sitting carefully atop the bed, I adjust the dress around me and tip open the lid. I stare into its velvet-encased depths, swallowing my gasp at the sight of so many glimmering jewels. They sit against the green fabric, so perfectly intact. Diamonds, sapphires, and an impressive number of emeralds winkup at me. I reach for a particularly blinding necklace before thinking better of it.

Queen Iris certainly had a taste for finery.

I have never seen such wealth. I’m not even sure how to hold it.

These jewels alone could feed all of Loot.

I’m suddenly snapping the lid shut, nauseated by the mere sight of something so fine. There was once a time when I would have done unspeakable things to steal even a single gem. Now, I get to wear them around my neck like a trophy.

Or a pretty noose.

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