Page 182 of Fearless

This cannot be happening.

None of this is right, not the crazed break in my brother’s character or the ashy stoker skewering him.

A puddle of blood crawls slowly across the rug beneath his shuddering body, and I can hardly feel its sticky warmth lapping around my knees. “You were supposed to dodge,” I say again, my words heavy with guilt. “I thought you were going to dodge.”

The delirium that was clutching Kitt so tightly begins to slip away. “I forgot. I… I can’t even remember myself.”

I try to ignore the tears welling in my eyes as I press trembling hands to his wound. Blood oozes between my fingers. “I’m gonna fix this, okay?” Now it is I who sounds hysterical. “You’re going to be just fine.”

Paedyn sits stiffly at my side, her eyes wide and glassy. Kitt’s eyes drift distantly to his queen. “I did care for you. I—I don’t want to be a monster.”

My hands cup Kitt’s face, turning it toward my stern one. “Hey, I am the monster. Not you, all right?”

His voice is thick with pain, with something cold I don’t dare identify as Death’s arrival. “You’re a pawn. But I’m… I’m the king who plays you. Though I don’t remember most of my moves.”

I force a shaky laugh because the alternative is far too damning. “Always the dramatics with you, Kitty.” My throat tightens as I grab his bloody hand. “I’m going to make this right.”

A tear rolls down my cheek as I shut my eyes in search of a Healer’s power.

Dual bleeding out before me. Hydro down the hall.

I dig further, reaching out into the corridors beyond.

Gust. Shield. Veil.

Every Imperial outside the door is utterly useless to me. I fight against my ability, urging it toward the other end of this sprawling castle where I know the Healers reside—where every one of them is uselessly out of my reach. A wall slams into my power, and terror grips my heart.

No.No.

I rail against it, my head pounding with the force. Father used to push my ability to the point of failure, and this is what it felt like. A wave ofexhaustion crashes over me, evidence of my weakness. Evidence of a fabricated Plague and its flaws.

Kitt’s salvation lies just beyond my reach.

“There are no Healers,” I gasp. “I need a Healer!”

The shout bounces around the study, replaying my helplessness over and over. Desperation tears from my throat again. “Paedyn, go find me a Healer.”

She nods, face pale. “Keep him awake until I get back.”

And then she is tearing out of the room.

I look down at Kitt and his loosening grip on my fingers. “You’re going to be just fine, you hear me?” It’s all the comfort I can muster for him as I will the words to be true.

Green eyes grow blurry. His head shakes, a violent rock of his skull against the bloody floor. A whisper leaves me in ruins. “I haven’t felt right for… a while. I don’t… remember. But I’m scared, Kai.”

A sob spills out of me.

I duck my head, shoulders shaking in time to the beat of my shattering heart. “I’m right here.” My voice breaks. “You’re going to be fine.”

“It was all for us. I remember that,” he murmurs weakly. “I j-just wanted my brother back.”

“You never lost me.” My words are a plea I desperately need him to understand. “I have always been right at your side—your brother, no matter our blood.”

“No.” Kitt’s soft smile displays the blood seeping onto his lips. That crazed haze seems to have cracked, leaving only the shell of my brother behind. “You were somewhere between us. N-never able to decide who you loved more.”

I shake my head. Tears spatter his bloody chest. “I can love more than one person, Kitt.”

“But I cannot,” he whispers. “You were the only person that loved me, Kai. And I—I was… losing you to her.”

---