Page 193 of Fearless

I can hardly breathe. “I need him, Pae. I need my brother.”

“Shh.”

“I can’t do this without him.”

“Shh. I’m right here.”

“I did this to him!” Each sob is a painful shake of my body. “I couldn’t save him. I couldn’t save my brother….”

Paedyn holds me until grief’s tide pulls away long enough for me to catch my breath. This is not the first time she has saved me from drowning.

A shovel is quickly pushed into my hand, followed by a string of stern words. “It’s time for Kitt to rest.”

A weight seems to lift from my chest.

Rest. Not death.

He is at peace, and that is all I have ever wanted for my brother.

Stiffly, I stand to my feet, pulling Paedyn up with me. My shovel meets the torn earth beside us. I push through the pain still lingering in my voice. “Think you can keep up, Gray?”

“Are you seriously making this a competition?”

I plunge steel into the ground, freeing dirt from the base of Ava’s willow. “Kitt always had a knack for making anything enjoyable.” My lips twitch into a smile I force myself to find just for him. “I figured he would want his death to be no different.”

Her grin has my heart stuttering back to life. “Then you better start digging, Azer.”

CHAPTER 72Paedyn

My arm strains against the taut bow.

We stand in the very same spot we had during the Purging Trials, facing a faded target and competing for bragging rights. It’s been nearly two days since Kai buried his brother beneath the willow tree, and this is one of the many distractions I’ve forced upon him.

There was a quiet walk through the garden, interrupted only by the occasional reminiscence of the boy buried so near. Our trip to the kitchen was filled with soft laughter and warm sticky buns—Jax sought comfort in his brother’s arms while Gail kissed the top of Kai’s head. I’ve urged him to write like Kitt had, relieve his mind of the many swirling thoughts within. His hands are still stained with ink.

Every night has been spent in a pool of moonlight. Blankets litter the floor of my room, layered into a makeshift cot beneath the row of windows. Kai prefers it this way, and I happily oblige. It is as though we have created our own little fort to feel closer to those we have lost. We hold each other before drifting into the nightmares that plague us. But with each sleepy sun that peers down on us, Kai wakes more like himself.

I let the arrow fly. Allow myself a smug smile when it sinks just beside the bullseye.

This is my latest distraction for the future king.

“I would understand if you wished to forfeit now,” I offer.

Kai’s fingers brush mine as he pulls the bow from my grip. “Don’t play nice, darling. I can handle losing to you.”

I raise a brow. “Did you already admit defeat?”

His lips twitch. He looses an arrow quickly, unfazed by the several inches separating it from the center of the target. “This is meant to be a distraction, is it not? So, I don’t need to win.” I swallow when he steps into me. “I just want to enjoy it.”

Normally, I would scoff at his arrogance, but I’ve missed it enough to settle on a slight tilt of my head. “And what is there to enjoy in losing, Malakai?”

“That.” His dimples steal my breath away. “Your company. Your taunting. Your lips forming my name.”

I nock an arrow. “I don’t need to be winning to insult you.”

With a deep breath, I fire.

“No,” Kai says slowly. “But you need to be winning to smile like that.”

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