Page 35 of Fearless

When the king reaches for a spoon partially buried within the bowlof green beans, a servant scurries from the wall to assist me. I hadn’t even noticed the several pairs of eyes lining the room until he politely waves her off.

Having left my plate and utensils on the other side of this absurdly long table, I stand to retrieve them before a servant beats me to it. She resets my spot without a word, offering a slight nod in response to my gratitude.

“Thank you, Mandy,” Kitt murmurs. “We will serve ourselves for the rest of the evening.”

The sound of her name rolling so easily from his tongue has my chest tightening. I had forgotten how well he knew the staff, how much he cared for every servant within the castle. Sitting beside him, I can almost see the friend I once knew. The one I betrayed.

I attempt a casual lightness that is now foreign to my voice. “This looks delicious.”

It seems I’m incapable of carrying on a conversation with substance.

Kitt scoops a generous portion of mashed potatoes onto his plate. “Gail knows this is my favorite food and has been making it for weeks.” He takes a bite that is quickly followed by a pleased nod of his head. “But I’m definitely not complaining.”

I pick at my own food, even while my eyes are stubbornly set on him. “She must have been so worried about you,” I say quietly. “I heard you were… not doing well.” When he meets my gaze, I hurry to add, “Which is completely understandable and most definitely my fault, but—”

His laugh cuts through my words.

He’s laughing.

It’s not quite a positive sound, but rather, one that is made at another’s expense. This is nothing like the laugh I witnessed between him and Kai. The sound quiets with a slight cough. “Take a breath, Paedyn. I’ve put it behind me.”

I still my fidgeting hands. “But you don’t forgive me.”

Silence swells between us.

His fork clatters against porcelain. I straighten at the sound, watching the king brace elbows atop the table that have him leaning closer. “I want this to work,” he finally murmurs, gaze pinned on the sparkling diamond. “This needs to work—for Ilya. For everyone. But that doesn’t mean we need to be anything more to one another than what we are now.”

My resolve hardens in the face of his disregard for this stagnant relationship. “No. No, I won’t accept that.” His brow quirks as I continue with a defiant, “I want to fix this. Us. We used to be… close. And I know it’s my fault we no longer are, but if we’re to spend the rest of our lives together, we might as well try to enjoy it.”

Kitt sits back in his chair, stretching the embarrassing silence further with a long swig from his glass. Finally, he deigns to mutter a chilling string of words. “You already have Kai. Why bother deepening our relationship?”

My heart thuds against a constricted chest. Silently cursing this damn dress, I manage a breathy, “Kai is not who I’m marrying.”

“But he wishes you were.”

I open my mouth. Close it. Try again. “Is that what this is about? Whatever… closeness you believe me to have with Kai?”

“I know him, Paedyn.” Kitt’s words are clipped. “Better than I have ever known anyone. Don’t think I haven’t noticed his smothered feelings for you. Even after everything.”

There is a bitterness in his voice that makes me pause. It’s the type that typically accompanies jealousy and quiet longing.

The king’s gaze travels over me, and my throat goes dry.

Thoughts swirl around my head, each one more absurd than the last. Kitt couldn’t still have feelings for me. Not after what I’ve done.But his words, his piercing look that strips me bare, say differently.

“Is that why you push me away?” I breathe. “For Kai?”

He almost laughs again. “Something like that.”

“You don’t want to hurt him by… being with me.” With a shake of my head, I scramble to gather the pieces of this dangerous game Kai and I pretend to play. “But there is no need to worry, Kitt. Whatever was between the Enforcer and me ended when he dragged me back here. On your orders.”

The king takes a breath at that, perhaps relieved by the reminder of an obeyed command. “Yes, I can’t say I wasn’t a little surprised when he brought you back to me.” His green gaze grows pointed. “He was yours, entirely.”

I swallow. “Not anymore.”

Pretend.

Pretend that the Enforcer hadn’t tried to free me before our trek to the castle. Pretend our time spent together didn’t bring us impossibly closer. Pretend he isn’t the fate I foolishly hoped to earn.

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